Random Ramblings

A little water, a lot of growth

2011-03-28T22:03:00.002-05:00

I think it was about a year ago when I went to confession and the priest gave me an analogy. He said that faith is like a little plant: you water it, it grows, you don't water it and it may become stagnant.

I have this plant I got when I moved to Wichita. My sister bought it for me almost nine years ago as an apartment warming present. I named it Elizabeth (the plant I'd gotten the spring before (that was still alive at the time) was named Mr. Darcy). Elizabeth is the only thing I've been able to keep alive - she's been a widow for about 8 years or so. Elizabeth is a pretty resilient plant - she can withstand not being watered for at least two weeks (if not more if I go out of town). Give her a few days and some coffee grounds and she perks right up.

She's been doing pretty well since I moved into my little blue condo - especially after the dark of the U's basement. Today, however, there are a ton of big, crisp, shiny, new leaves all over. Why? Because after a drought there came a little bit of water. Just a little, that's all I poured in last night. But the little brought so much beauty.

Why is it hard to trust that out of the minuscule hope there can come much beauty? Why do think that I need to be the one to bring the water? Why do I resist the dry patches so much? The dry patches stink. Kind of an awful lot actually. But after the dry there always comes much beauty and big crisp shiny newness.

God, help me wait. Help me to lean on you and know that the little bit of water you give me (and it's feeling like a trickle right now) will lead to beauty!!

Lisa on Latte - watch out!

2009-04-27T22:20:00.003-05:00

As Keeks is busy being Mommy of two maybe I should take up the hobby of blogging again ;).

Actually, I have been feeling retrospective recently (and as my grandparents got me a cappuccino maker for my birthday and I just tried it out this evening) I feel like blogging.

Things are really good (at least since I drank the semi-cold really yummy tasting goodness) earlier I was a bit bummed. Part of this, I believe, may be due to the fact that I haven't talked to my dearest friends in a while. Keeks and I were really good at remedying this fact for about two weeks. Then came the craziness of the end of school. I will only have my kids for 19 more class days!! This is one of the first years that I am truly attempting to relish this time. Usually if I'm not going, "Get me out of school," I'm thinking, "Get these kids out of my room." Ok, honestly I believe the latter may only be true for one class of sophomores. And I loved them, it's just . . . . This year's sophomores and I, however, have really bonded and I'm going to miss them a ton. It's only slight consolation that they will be in 300 hall next year. God definitely knew what he was doing when he hooked me up with that deal!!

There's one point that just weird me out - talking to a woman named Sister Sophia Grace. This is dumb, I know - she's one of my best friends, one of my Daisy sisters. And yet, in 8 months of her being Sister Sophia Grace I have yet to speak her name to her. For some reason this freaks me out just a little. I've written letters (long mistels of the woes of singledom and crazy dreamings). But the whole talking to her just makes me nervous. I find this even more funny because I've left two messages at the convent for her, calling her SSG (as I fondly refer to her in my head - but I said it all out on the message - now I'm confuesed too! . . .). Really, I'm just pumped that we can finally chat and I don't want to be a ninny calling every other day to see if she's there. I'll have to try again tomorrow . . .

So - the outlook on the 29th year of Lisa? It's looking pretty optimistic at the moment!
Quick overview of the last few years . . .
20th - Ends and beginnings, learnings and failings. From KCKCC to BC with some Indiana in between - ah, the good times they were!!
21st - started off way dramatic and ended in great roommateness who loved swinging. It was when I finally got the hang of the whole "off to college thing."
22nd - Amazing college year -nough said . . .
23rd - Firsts . . . Apartment, job, boyfriend, breakup, living on my own, cat, lots of them ;)
24th - Flowers - The Daisy seeds were planted as my closest Wichita friends became just that!
25th - Beauty - Flowers bloomed as did new romance. And flowers withered as did romance. Life was good and life was treasure. Ah, our moments in the house. On the couch, on the porch, on walks, at SFA, in Emerald ;)
26th - Ah, the baby Daisies promised to come and they did. As did one of my fav. quotes from Hope Floats (I'm sure there's a blog here somewhere).
“Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts. You have to remember this when you find yourself at the beginning.” Man, it just fits . . .
27th - What happened in the 27th year? Kimmy went to the convent, there was that whole guy from Eastern KS dealyo, Keeks and Andrew moved across town, Lisa moved out on her own again (can we say yay!) And lots of other people moved away . . . But Jose is coming back - Katie and Kathy, you need to follow suit!! Ooohh! And I started my first novel!!
28th - 28 is definitely some good middle ground - why do I not appreciate it when it's here. Life was good, friends stopped moving around (hint, hint, Andrew!!), life got some good rhythm and rhyme.

So 29 . . . We have yet to see what it may bring. But, as always, as Anne says, tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it . . . yet. I have some good hope for the coming year and I'm looking forward to see what craziness and beginnings and middles it may bring. God, I'd be pretty OK if we left the endings out!! ;)

Homesick

2008-11-16T12:49:00.002-06:00

I don’t know where home is. Home is people, not some building with my stuff. This became apparent to me the night I went to sleep in the Daisy House, after a cozy Sunday and I realized that I felt as much at home as I ever had in my parent's house. What a contented feeling! Now I just feel kinda lost, like everyone is far away. Erin called it splintered, I call it wandering. I ache for the feeling of someone on the couch next to me - on "our couch" whoever that "our" turns out to be - that needs me to be there for them, that I need as much as they need me. I feel homeless in a sense of the word that may possibly be worse than those who have no bed to lay their heads. I am so looking forward to next weekend and a feeling of normalcy - but how is what was normal 3 years ago normal when it will never be again.

There's a part in A Separate Peace that I always read aloud to my students. John Knowles says that:

Everyone has a moment in history which belongs particularly to him. It is the moment when his emotions achieve their most powerful sway over him, and afterward when you say to this person "the world today" or "life" or "reality" he will assume that you mean this moment, even if it is fifty years past. The world, through his unleashed emotions, imprinted itself upon him, and he carries the stamp of that passing moment forever.

Just as for Gene Forrester this moment was the war, sometimes that's how I feel about the house. I chide myself for how unhealthy it sounds. But it's so true. It's like I measure everything from that time, as if that was life. As if I was most "me" while we lived in the house. But then what is this now? It sounds way depressing (and at the moment it is) but sometimes it's just true. I just wish I knew how to stop that ache. And I know that I've changed a lot since we lived in the house, and that life was definitely not perfect while being a Daisy girl (as proved in my journal). It's that home feeling, that feeling of being able to be myself, no matter how crazy or quirky or annoying that happened to be, that I miss. A lot.

Have Courage!

2008-10-17T23:45:00.003-05:00

The title of my blog reminds me of JPII. It's something he would say to the youth of today. I guess that could apply to my gist as well. One of my Friday night rituals, at least during the fall, is attending the football Mass. Every Friday after school, the football has Mass before the game. And every year those are the Masses that I hate to miss. I love getting to support my "boys" in this way; especially when I get to be an Extraordinary Eucharistic Minsiter. It makes me smile (even when I have to be girly to convince the "macho" senior boys to do the readings!).

FJ's homily today made me smile. He talked about the difference between "males" and "men," making the distinction that males do not need to have courage. Females, in the way that we are built, must have courage; our body demands it. Males, however, do not have the same distinction. Guys have to make a decision to be "men," to stand up for what they believe, to stand for anything at all.

I think this is what makes them so attractive. When I see a guy doing something that takes courage, it is extremely attractive. If they are striving for a goal or stepping out on a limb. It's also what makes me proud of some of my students. When I see them striving for this courage it just gives me a warm feeling inside. In one of my classes today we had a 10 minute conversation on texting. A few of the guys get together on Saturday and just hang out; they aren't allowed to text girls. This lead to the talking about "being" with people and how many have lost the beauty in this. Anyway, back to topic . . .

It feels to me (which doesn't necessarily mean anything) that many guys have lost the desire to be "men." Or not even lost the desire, just put it off until later. The idea that, "I don't need to be a man yet, I can be a guy and hang out and do what I want," seems to be prevalent. It would definitely explain why there are so many amazing single young women out there.

Someday I'll wake up and find that there is a man out there waiting for me, searching for me. I just hope that he doesn't get too lost up in being a guy along his way to me!

The Little Way

2008-10-01T21:55:00.003-05:00

To say that I love St. Therese would definitely be the truth. One could say that she's been a major influence of many of the good things that have happened in my life. Five years ago (how in the world has it been that long!) my three best friends and I started a novena to St. Therese that changed my life.

In the past few days I've been really missing two of those friends - although the convent and grad school are good places to be! I've also been getting pretty pumped about Baby U2 coming from the other best friend!!

I've been hugely busy the past week - being gone every day till at least 8, with family this weekend, a retreat the weekend before. Apparently I was spacing out so much in class yesturday that one of my students commented that "It's like she's gone to Cancun in her head!" - don't I wish! So, a little stressed out would be an understatement :).

When I glanced at my word of the day calendar (the one I inherited from Sr. Sophia Grace) last night as I was brushing my teeth, I realized that, for the first time in five years I had completely forgotten to pray my novena. I was kind of bummed. I could really use some St. Therese graces this week! So I started last night and my guardian angel finished for me. I prayed the second day this morning.

Today was fairly low stress. I got caught up on most of my back grading, had a fairly productive (albiet short) planning period and headed to All School Mass. I was sitting there, intersperced between my freshmen and sophomores and sometime during the Bishop's homily I prayed, "You know, St. Therese, I'd be OK if I didn't get any daisies as long as I can offer up this suffering and stress to make my kids holier people. It really was a touching moment.

After Mass, I got on with my day and started the craziness of having sophomores turn in papers and do a big project presentation in the same day. It was in the middle of these presentations that my miracle came.

In walked one of my former students - an office aid - with a big bouquet of white daisies just for me. I started tearing up then and there as the love of God overwhelmed me. You know, you hask for things but a lot of times I just expect for them to not happen. I guess the Bishop's homily about trust (see - I really did pay attention!) was something I needed to hear. Although friends seem to be having babies and getting in engaged and are otherwise moving on with life while mine seems to be at somewhat of a standstill, God was saying - "Yes, Lisa. I know it's hard and I know that you're lonely and can't wait to have someone to come home to. But look what I do with the little daisies. Can you even imagine what I have planned for your life?"

Nope, I can't. But I'm sure looking forward to seeing what happens.

And to the messenger that fulfilled my request - Thank you for showing me a piece of God's providence!!

The Ewey Gooey Stuff

2008-08-30T00:11:00.004-05:00

I just got back from one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to. I'd give it a top 3 ranking - Kristi and Andrew's ranking in #1 for now. And then there was my friend Meghan who got married in Minnesota at the first rockingly Catholic wedding I'd ever been to.

Tonight, at Kale and Mary's wedding, however, there was something different. I think part of it was that I (and they) are just a bit more adult now. I know that they have both been through the dry times and wondered when that someone was going to show up. To be able to watch the joy radiate from their faces as they said their vows and exchanged rings (even when Kale got too excited and tried to steal Mary's sign of the cross) was a deep blessing.

The more I understand Christ's undying love for me, the more I seem to get the sacrament of marriage, the more difficult the idea of a pure and vocational sacrifice marriage is. And, the more beautiful it is.

I think the lyrics to one of our communion hymns says it pretty well.

Your love is extravagent
Your friendship is so intimate.
I find I'm
moving to the rhythms of your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicationg in this
secret place
Your love is extravagent.

Christ's love seems ever more present and extravagent in my life, specifically as I watch my good friends change their names (either first or last Sr. Sophia Grace!). This evening, I got the chance to watch God's promises begin to take flight for a new family.

It was a blessing, this evening, to be able to experience the love of my savior as I watched two friends take vows to "do whatever he tells you." Mary and Kale - I pray that His peace be with you and His grace always move the rythms of your grace.

the real reason my meditation isn't as good as it should be

2008-05-29T11:01:00.002-05:00

I've been aware for a while now, that I am circumventing my own happiness because of fear. Part of this has been intentional, part of it is unconcious protection of my heart.

Although my friendships the past few years have been amazing, over the last two years there have been MANY changes. Kimmy's pretty permanently in Ohio, Kristi is taken up with mothering soon to be two and being a wife. Rachel is planning mommy stuff as well. Katie and Jose and Kathy all moved away and suddenly my nice little formed circle of virtuous friends has dwindled to friends that are either really far away physically or really far away incidentally.

And it's not like I've stopped hanging out with people - although I have spent many more nights hanging out by myself than I have since the spring of 2004 when I met Kristi and Kim. And instead of fostering friendships as I should, I have stopped myself. Of course, there are those relationships that for some reason I thought would be more - boys who were too caught up in their own problems to really care about me, friends that I thought would turn into those friendships that I need and crave that are too busy with other things or too caught up in thier own thing to be messin' with other people on a regular basis. Maybe it's the non-fullfillment of possiblity there that has darkened my desire and drive to develop those friendships with others.

Bottom line, I'm supposed to talk about "Where is your community?" in two days. Is it fair for me to say that my community has been found more in Dawson and Joey and Ross and Rachel these past two years than it has been found in those around me? I go through the motions of pretending to be social - I go to theology on tap and hang out with the young adult group. But aside from the friends that I've made through TECs when you are forced to divulge a part of your soul into those around you - I've been keeping my soul locked up with a key afraid that someone else will come and take a part of it and leave without giving warning.

I've tried to find fullfillment in my kids at school, through the friendships that I hold at a distance but it just doesn't work. I was lecturing my kids about virtuous friendships a few weeks ago and I couldn't help but think of the contradiction. I haven't worked at friendships for a while. Or let me rephrase - I haven't worked on friendships that others were working on with me in a while.

And therein lies my dilema - how do you know who to give a part of yourself too? Because it seems that everyone in my life is, has, or will be (with the exception of my family) leaving or moving on and away from me. And I think the dilema as a single adult is even harder. I'll never find the love of my life if I don't open up to him. On the other hand, this seemingly neverending saying goodbye and moving on doesn't seem to help matters either.

10 years?

2008-04-22T21:29:00.002-05:00

It's the eve of my 28th birthday and I'm pretty excited about it! I decided to ditch the whole 27 thing with the old year and have been claiming 28 for four months, that's how exciting I think this year is going to be.

While driving in my car today I got to thinking about all that has happened in the past ten years. Most of this was due to me pulling out the 1998 WOW CD - you know, one of those Christian mix CD's that started back in the day. I know all the words to all the songs (except that creepy one by Carmen that I always skip). It definitely brought me back - especially the Newsboys song that Leslie, Carrie and I learned every single word to while watching their hour long promo movie over and over again.

Here are just a few of my favorite memories from the past 10 years (has it really been that long since high school? How crazy!)

On my 18th birthday I got shrunk wrapped by my AP physics teacher - gotta love Mr. Pretz! My mom was hiding in the closet the whole time waiting to give me a balloon bouquet!
I've made tons of different friends during different phases of my life. I've lost touch (with the exception of Facebook) of my friends from high school, I never really talked to friends from community college since graduation. My Benedictine friends will always be dear but for the most part we aren't so near anymore. It's my Wichita friends that I think will be the ones to stick forever and always - they are family.
I've been teaching for 5 years - 5! I got an email from one of my "girls" today - she's graduating from college in a few weeks - COLLEGE! One of our other teachers was giving me a hard time the other day for my newbie status. When I reminded him I'd been at this for five years he was a bit shocked!
I've gotten much closer to my Wichita family - aunt, uncle, cousins. I know their mannerisms and quirks - that's something I've never had w/ extended family before and I quite like it!
I've moved much more in the past 5 years than I ever did as an "Army brat." I have to say, I love my duplex but I miss living off of the Central and Tyler intersection!
One of my ed classes sang Happy Birthday to me one year while we were seranaded with the piano.
I have gone through all the motions of buying a house (with the exception of the actual purchasing of said house).
I met my first love.
I went through my first big break up and can still call my ex one of my closest friends.
I've accomplished some things I've always wanted to:
I've gone to Italy
I got to see the Pope (JPII) twice!
I got to live in my very own Catholic version of the Real World (aka our Daisy House)
I got to go to Seattle and spend the day with my best friend - then make a trip to Whidbey Island and eat some amazing seafood and loose a bunch of Saylor's stuff! - not in that order and definitely not all good (although the "Fresh Strawberry Shortcake" made for some great conversation!)
Keeks and I went on a crazy fun sporadic road trip
Kimmy and Keeks and I drove all the way to Dallas and paid for a hotel room just so we could see Therese on opening weekend.
I've become less attached to the TV and more attached to my friends
I got to take part in one of the most meaningful weddings I will ever be a part of (at least till mine!) Take her out to the ballgame, Andrew!
I had a date to prom for the first time ever and it was a blast!
I have gotten the blessing to be the godmother of two of the most adorable babies ever!
I have gotten to know who "Lisa" is as I make my way through this grown up world called Life.
I started really writing my first novel!

I've been doing a lot of soul searching over the past few weeks. I'm not really sure why, exactly. Maybe it's that for the first time this year it feels as though I have time to breathe! This school year has been tough. You'd think I'd have it down by now but much seemed to get in the way. Life changed last year when Kimmy and Jose and Kathy left town. Then semester scheduling was crazy. Then Katie left town too and I actually started talking to other people outside of my little cluster and thing started to get better.

It's weird. I thought most of the transitioning would have occurred last year. I wouldn't have thought that I'd still feel like this after having moved out of the house 2 years ago. At prom the other night though, I had this sense of "I can do this, I am doing this." I am a single woman (very single - might I add) that is finding contentment and purpose in this single life of mine. I don't know if I ever thought it would happen. I'm just at peace with where I am and where I am supposed to be. I don't understand it all the time but even in my, "Jesus, I don't understand why I'm still single conversations," I don't feel the fear that I used to feel. It's still hard to hear my married friends talking about their married things but instead of jealousy, mostly I have a feeling of thanksgiving that I don't have to deal with that quite yet.

Let's just say - 28th year, I have a feeling you are going to be great!

Reaping the Benefits

2008-04-14T22:28:00.002-05:00

Few thoughts real quick . . .

I've always heard about how those who's family/close friends enter the convent reap the benefit of their prayers. I always feel this the most after I talk to Kimmy and hear her insight on all of her life goings on and my life goings on, I feel closer to God. It seems like it's easier to find those little daisies that I know are there each day but sometimes - most times - seem to forget about.

I didn't know how much I missed our weekly rosary until this evening. I love the alone togetherness of praying a rosary in a group. I seem to spend more time alone at the moment. But it was always comforting to be able to lift up my thoughts and feelings to God in a room full of my close friends. They don't need to hear all of those prayers but they are there with me all the same. For a long time the thought of rosary night made me sad and miss my home, my Daisy House (my brain seems to forget that we had it at the duplex for a year!). Tonight, however, it was just comforting and nice.

On Spring Break during Holy Week

2008-03-22T21:59:00.004-05:00

I don't think that Catholic Schools should be allowed to have Spring Break during Holy Week. Instead of being all pious and stuff, I have been eating meat and potatoes like a mad woman! That, and lemon cake and stuffed croissants and burgers and hashbrown casserole and much yummy food with much loving people . . . and nut - no not much "celebrating" of the Triduum.

I guess it's much like the roller coaster of life. This whole year (and I speak of years in school years) has felt off. What with Angels, and Kimmy gone, semester scheduling and living in a new place by myself for the first time in a few years, this year has just been different.

Don't get me wrong, it's been good. I've enjoyed getting into my duplex in the beautiful Riverside - especially the getting to take walks by the river part! I've enjoyed getting to play with the many babies that seem to be making their appearance by the armful. I don't, however, feel as though I've "gotten" it, whatever it may be.

I'm accomplishing a lot; I have started my book - one of those things I wanted to do someday. I live in a place that I love. I have become a godmother to two of the cutest babies in the world (If you think you see one at Borders you probably do - they're smart kiddos!). I got to go camping in the mountains of Canada and eat fruit fresh from Pike's Market in Seattle. I feel like I'm coming into my own - whatever that may mean. I also, however, feel like I'm draggin behind in some areas. I'm not sure what they are, I just feel that they are lagging somehow.

I think it comes from that feeling that something is just around the bend. I don't know what that something will be, just that it is taking it's time at the coming.

106

2008-03-05T19:48:00.002-06:00

From 2, there have come 103 (soon to be 106).

I attended the rosary for Mildred Ashford last night. She was Kimmy's grandma. And from this one woman and her husband there have come 106 other human beings.

I live my little single Lisa life. I go to school. I teach kids about books and words and life and God. I get mad at my sophomores for not listening or learning about books and words and life and God. I come home and eat dinner by myself and attempt to have some semblence of a life. I hope that I'll meet the man who will love me and want to spend his life with me.

But 106. And yet, I have more students than that in a given semester. So why does this number seem so big to me?

As many of you know, I'm not good at staying it touch with people. It doesn't occur to me to call up people when I miss them. And many times, when it does, I have a fear that they will have something better to do then to talk to me.

Even so, there's this hope of the more, of the bigger, of the epic. Hope of the 106. Grandma Ashford, as you approach the heavenly throne, please pray that I too may approach the epic that will be my dash in life.

A Happy New Year to you, and you!

2008-01-01T02:58:00.000-06:00

Someone asked me how my Christmas break has been earlier this evening (note that it is now 3 in the morning:). It has been, to date, one of the best Christmas breaks I've ever had (with the exception of my being really grouchy toward my mom - I can't really figure that one out). I spent the first half of break with my fam. My sister and I got in some good bonding time. My family made some of our famous Christmas tree pizzas (check out teri's facebook pics to see what they look like!). We watched our favorite JAG Christmas episodes and played some mean game of Apples to Apples.

I was greeted by coming home (back to Wichita, that is) to my Angels - including our college girls and my Kimmy. If you've never been to a 5:30 mass on Thursdays, afterward the Knights say their prayer and the Angels say ours. I was so overjoyed to have all my sisters home again I couldn't get the words out - all that came were tears. What followed mass was some quality Angels time and some great sister stories.

The next day I woke up and headed to Keeks' casa to share some Daisy Girl fun. We chatted till 3 and got caught up on all of Kimmy's convent stories.

Saturday we headed to Independence for Kathy and Jim's wedding. I don't think I can express effectively the beauty of their sacramental marriage, FJ's homily and the crazy good dancing that followed. I relished in the friendships that God has given me. As Erin and I were discussing a few minutes ago, it was a reminder from God of what kind of friendship he has given us. Even with all the changes of the past two years; from Kristi and Andrew's marriage and us leaving the house to the goodbyes that we said over the past summer, I have some friends that know me and love me and accept me for who I am.

I think a lot (not all) but a lot of people that I was "friends" with in college didn't really know the real me - 0r take the time to get to know me. I think this was partially due to the fact that I was a transfer student, partly to the fact that I am pretty shy and partly because I was still figuring myself out and was afraid to show that I didn't have it all figured out. (not that, as I approach my 28th year I do have it all figured out!).

Maybe that's part of what happens and makes you grown up - it has for me at least; that finding friends who you can talk out all your thoughts and ramblings. Friends that have the power to turn away from you and call you dumb; but who don't. Instead, they listen and ask questions and challenge you to be a better person. I think it's probably different for everyone, but I think this type of relationship - those friends who become the family members that you weren't born with - that help you grown into yourself if you will. It's the importance of knowing that they have the power to shun you for life but because they love you so much they never will.

It was this kind of love, this agape type kind of love that I was experiencing at Jim and Kathy's wedding. Without Kim and Kristi and Jose and even Kathy, who's wedding we were at, I still have those friends who know me and love me.

And herein lay my worry of last week: having Kim home and Jose's been "home" so much it really does feel like he's been away at college things have felt normal again. And if it feels so normal now, what have the past 4 months been? Hard, of course. And there have been lots of tears - after phone calls and letters from Kim, after nights at Angels that just feel off, after weekends spent primarily by myself.

But I have hope and this promise from God that He won't desert me. He hasn't in the past and he's not going to start now.

About a week ago, I was kind of bummed. When I finally figured out what day New Year's Eve was, I realized that I had adoration from 11-midnight. It only took me a few seconds to realize that I didn't have to be bummed about not getting a new year's kiss - I'd get to be w/ Jesus. And Kimmy and this guy named Chuck who I really don't know . . .

Anyway, I was pretty stoked about getting to chill w/ JC and Kimmy. As we left the party, Erin called out and asked us to pray for her. So I went into adoration to pray my family and friends into the new year. I decided to kinda make my own rosary praying for each group with an Our Father and each person with a Hail Mary. I went through my immediate family, my Dad's fam and my Moms - her's took a little longer!, my high school best friends and my college friends and my godchildren and then my Daisy House family and my Angel sisters and my "kids" as I fondly call my students. All of a sudden it was 11:45!

I spent the last 15 minutes relishing in the love that I have received through all of these groups of people. As I meet more Catholic's I become more convinced that we are a closer group than any of us realize. And God shows me His love through all of these other people - it amazes me.

So, if you got to the end of my 1/2 hour ranting and rambling, I thank you for loving me through my LMM's (at least enough to read this post) and wish you a 2008 filled with many blessings from our Savior!

My friends

2007-11-29T21:27:00.000-06:00

I know this is my second post it a few minutes but I had stuff to blog about so I figured, hey, why not?

I was having a conversation today and some things just kind of clicked - I found them quite interesting. We were discussing our group of Wichita friends. We have changed very drastically in the past 6 months. We've (and this is a list of all not necessarily a list of my accompishments) gone to the convent, moved to be closer to fiances, had children, moved to Denver, gotten annulments, moved to different areas of town, canceled rosary, gotten dogs and many other life changing events.

This is a group of friends that I was once really close to. We knew each others schedules, we would see each other daily, we would eat meals together and go to mass together and pray together. We were an intregal part of each other's lives. Today we may see each other every couple of weeks or months. What was once hanging with family has become, in some cases, semi-awkward encounters with accquaintences.

That may seem a bit overeactive (and is, in a way). In other cases, however, this is a pretty true reality.

The reason for this diatribe is that this makes hanging out in big groups quite awkward. We are not what we once were, at least with everyone. I am good friends still with some but have become much farther from others that I was once. I don't think this is anyone's fault I just think that it is the truth and it makes me a bit sad.

The Anti-Hero and Why Girls Fall for Them

2007-11-29T20:34:00.000-06:00

The anti-hero, according to Encylopedia Britannica.com, is "the protagonist of a drama or narrative who is notably lacking in heroic qualities." The anti-hero is not a bad person, he (as we shall call him in this post) is just lacking those qualities that make a hero.

I think it's the idea of falling for the "bad guy" but with a twist. I've never been the one to fall for the bad boys (unless you count back in middle school when they happened to be pretty cute:). The anti-hero, however, is the one that has the possibility to be hero if . . . . It's the anti-hero that will get me everytime. For some reason the "romantic" part of my brain falls for the anti-hero, the one that you see potential in but who just doesn't seem to have everything together. I think that romantic part of me thinks that I can, in some way, fix him.

This is flawed thinking! At least this is what I tell myself. I wish, however, that I would listen. I hope that he'll decide that I am the one that is important enough to change for. This, I feel, is one of the bad things about romantic comedies. If it happens in a movie I can convince myself that it will happen in real life. This is not reality! He will not change for me.

I think of a quote that I read in a book once about a failed relationship. The best friend tells the girl, "He loved you, he just didn't love you enough." And therein lies the downfall of fallling for the anti-hero. The girl is never the maiden to be rescued; she is instead the one to push the knight who forgot his armor to fight the giant anyway. If you see the girl, let her know that the dragon will win because the knight doesn't think enough of himself to even dream of her.

Hogwarts Hogwash

2007-10-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

Did ya'll hear that Dumbledore is gay? Straight from the author's mouth. And I think this is dumb.

I am a diehard, went to by my copy of the seventh book the day that it came out, feel like I am friends with Ron, Harry and Hermione fan. And I think this is stupid!

Seriously, Dumbledore's sexual affinity has no real bearing on the storyline. So he had a crush on a guy years ago. That doesn't mean that Dumbledore didn't think he was evil anyway. Dumbledore still ended up killing his "crush." And, he was an amazing leader of the school and wizarding community, not to mention one of the best father figures Harry could have had (besides his dad who was dead - although that doesn't always mean a whole lot in the wizarding world . . .).

Does his being gay make him better or worse in any way? I don't think so. Does it make a well known hero gay, yes. So are we trying to change social views (completely after the fact) or are we writing a good story? (yes, yes, all of you that know me that well - once upon a time I would like to help form moral views with writing so I'm being hypycritical.)

But seriously - if this was important at all, wouldn't we have known before?

Talkback

2007-09-08T22:45:00.001-05:00

So I'm sitting here on Saturday night enjoying the fact that I am in comfy clothes, that I got to take a nap and that my house is finally clean! Also, I was a bit miffed at the fact that my friends hadn't called to give me an update on what exactly was going on so I wouldn't be sitting in my house wearing comfy clothes wondering what's going on.

Then I check my phone and see the missed calls. I guess that's what happens when you change your phone ringer and get immersed in "Felicity" reruns on DVD. It's a cool life, let me tell you.

Now that it's too late to hang out with my friends with a baby, I am doing what one does on a lame Saturday evening, surfing the net and catching up on blogs. Ok, Kristi's blog is the only one I read with any regularity and the only one I read tonight.

This whole Kim in the convent thing has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I am so excited for her and all that she is experiencing. I'm also not really sure what to do without her around to call my bluff when I'm being really stupid about something or I just need someone to tell it like it is. She is so good at that! She and my dad. I love to hate them for it; their ability to call me on stuff when I need to get over myself and go on with my life. Even so, I desperately need them in my life.

When one loses a person in their life, you go through all these stages and stuff. I know I haven't gone over them all with Kim yet. I definitely had some hills and valleys last Thursday. Good, bad, sad, annoyed at my 6th hour, really good, great, crying . . . It was a little crazy. Then, on my way home from Angels (the really good of the day) I was checking my messages and one was from Kim. I got to talk to her for about 20 minutes which was pretty amazing and also a little awkward. How do you fill in your best friend on your life and the fact that you miss her while also being encouraging and really excited that she called within a really short conversation? It was after the conversation that I cried - for the good and the bad.

Kristi was talking in her blog about how she is looking for something more. Do we ever find the more in this life? Or is that what we are waiting for - in anticipation of heaven? It seems that our three Daisy Girls are struggling to find out where God's place is for our lives, or at least fit into that place that he has carved for us. For me, I'm just as clueless. It feels like I need to move on in some way, to establish new friendships and to do so, at least for this year, here in Wichita.

The selfish part of me just wants to give up. I love my friends and who they are and what they have helped me to become. I'm also tired of giving up my best friends to their vocations while I'm still looking and waiting for mine. Part of me doesn't want to form any more attachments that I'll have to break when they find their partner and family for life. It's too hard to let them go when that happens.

And how does that work, really? I know somehow that my family will be different from my parent's house. Partly because the military moved them around a lot, we didn't have a whole lot of close family friends. But I do, already. And these are relationships that are going to be around a while. I got the privilege of receiving my second godchild into the church this morning. I was telling my students a few weeks ago that my "family" here in Wichita is not so much my aunt and uncle (who live here and are amazing). My family here are my friends. Friends who would drive 8 hours to attend another friend's father's funeral. Friends with a priest who traveled 6 hours today to baptise baby Wyatt and then got back to Pittsburg to be there for Generations of Faith. My friends are the ones who have shown me what the body of Christ is really all about. I want my children to grow up into this family of friendships as well, just as is beginning to happen now.

So I guess my question is the same as Kristi's - "Where does God want me to focus my energy now?" And more than that, where do I receive the love that I need to share this energy and love? I desperately want to have a family of my own. But I must wait. And that is hard.

Never ceasing to amaze me

2007-09-03T21:28:00.000-05:00

"This is a time of purification. A time to identify your ambiguous relationships and your ambivalent attitudes, and to make some decisions and choose some directions."

St. John Eudes

Ok, so I have no idea who St. John Eudes is. But this is the quote on my quote of the day calendar. For those of you that remember the Daisy House, this calendar used to sit on Kim's vanity in our downstairs bathroom. Then it moved to her apartment, then (along with numerous other of her belongings - which make her seem a bit closer rather than really far away) to my new duplex. The one that just houses me - and my landlord's in the back half.

Anyway, from the time I've been reading this calendar it just seems to eerily fit what is going on in my life. It's crazy - when I'm sad it will have something uplifting, when I'm being a dolt it will kick my butt. And when I really don't know what I'm doing, this is the quote of the day.

Purification - yes, I need some please!
Identifying ambiguous relationships - it seems that I am doing that but so many seem to be able to put into that category these days, everything seems a bit off-kilter.
Ambivalent attitudes - ambivalent means "uncertain or unable to decide about what course to follow" - I'm getting better but I still feel a bit lost about what I should be doing. When that happens, usually I just need to do something. I'm starting a writing class on Wednesday and need to set up some coffee dates w/ some friends . . .

. . . and finally - Make some decisions and choose some directions. This I need to do. It reminds me of someone once saying that God doesn't give you all the answers. Sometimes you must love God and do what you want.

I guess now I just need to figure out what I want to do!

Preaching to the Choir vs. Preaching to Me!

2007-08-22T21:52:00.000-05:00

So, we've all heard the phrase, "You're preaching to the choir." The past day or so, however, I feel like I've been preaching to myself.

I've been teaching my students about the book "EPIC" by John Eldredge (the same guy who wrote Wild at Heart and co-wrote Captivating - both of which I blogged about earlier this year). In this book, Eldredge says that he thinks that all of our lives are a part of this huge story, this epic, that encompasses all of salvation history. The evil that we fight everyday is the devil, the good that we choose is God - and our conflict is the choice between the two - which do we choose - the good or the bad? Ok, so I know that all life isn't that cut and dry. But that's not really where I'm headed with this.

The idea is that if all our lives are a part of this greater story, eventually the story will have a happy ending. And therein lies my issue. It's not that I don't believe in this happy ending - I'm a hopeless romantic am I not? I think it goes back to my whole trust issue - knowing that although I'm not experiencing the happily ever after right now, that it is coming someday (even if that's not till I get to heaven).

I'm trying to make this year (and the transitions of the summer - Kimmy joining the convent, Jose at grad school, not talking to boys that I'd really like to be talking to, living by myself (yeah!) in a cute duplex that I don't have to worry about maintenance and new windows but without a cat (boo!), welcoming new members of my extended friend family - including my new godson Wyatt Christopher) a little bit less dramatic then my fall was last year. (apologies for the really long run on sentence where I'm sure I lost track of where parenthesis should go . . . ) Not all of these changes are bad. I'm excited for Kimmy and Jose and completely psyched about getting to have a godchild in the same state as me - I love you my little miss Hannah far away in Iowa!

Thing is, I am at a loss as to how to make this transition better. First, I figured I'd lose myself in condo stuff - not buying or paying a mortgage. Second, it looked like there'd be a boy in the picture to take some focus - no boy, unfortunately. Third, how does one deal with prepping for changes if 1)Things change 2 days before you move, 2)Life seems to just keep turning when you just want it to stop for a day or two. Forth, apparently our school scheduling system can no longer schedule year long classes and so I have to completely replan my entire sophomore class - that'd be the one I've been teaching for 4 years. Everything flowed together and I knew where things went (and already had them in my plan book!) And that doesn't mention the whole attempt to build a classroom community.

Ok, it feels like I'm gripping. I don't mean to. I just don't know what else to do. I applied for a part time job that seemed perfect - apparently the part time was a little closer to full time which made it non-perfect. I was really excited about some stuff that seemed to be moving forward in the Wichita YA community - w/o my help or extended effort - now that doesn't really seem to be happening.

So, while I'm telling my students, "Trust God, he's got these really awesome plans for your life," it feels like I'm stuck in the midst of people that seem to have more direction than me while I'm not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. That kind of sucks.

I'm home!!

2007-08-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

As of now, anyway, I am living in a cute little duplex in Riverside that I happen to be very fond of - except for the fact that my landlords are selling the place (which they informed me of a meer 3 days after I moved in.

School started today. My 5th hour is already cocky!

Boys are dumb - is that really anything new?

Life is crazy busy and I'm saying lots of goodbyes which is not very fun. But two of my goodbyes were girls going to Benedictine so that kind of rocks:)

I will post a real blog from the home later on - it's just exciting that I have one:)

God is good. I wish he'd tell me his plans but. . . God is good.

Home Sweet Elusive Home!

2007-06-17T23:16:00.000-05:00

As of now, June 18th at 11:17 pm, I have no place to lay my stuff in a week and a half. And I'm not really freaking out. It's intriguing. I have a place to lay my head and have lots of tiny leads on where I can lay my stuff (ok, so I'm going to rent a storage unit tomorrow after summer school). But seriously. It feels as though this should bother me more than it does. I think I'm just burnt out on the whole "home searching gig." Seriously - how long and how much effort should finding a nice place to live really take? Apparently quite a while if you teach at a Catholic school that you love but live just above the poverty line so that you don't qualify for the really nice housing available to low-income families.

End of rant, I apologize. I'm attempting to trust God that I will find some amazing place in which to lay my stuff, my head and call home - very soon. And in the mean time, I plan to beg, borrow . . . and really, that's all one needs to do!

Puddle Jumping and God

2007-05-12T00:25:00.000-05:00

This week has been a stressful week. It could be the fact that school is out, that I am completely burnt out with teaching due to my amazing experience with summer school last year, meeting with a realtor for the first time ever, or just random life events that seem to preoccupy my mind. In any case, the week is over and I can be done with the worrying! That is an exciting prospect!

One good thing about this week, I found myself in the chapel a lot. Whether I made it to Mass on an abnormal day or just randomly made my way to see Jesus during my planning period, we had a lot of face time this week and that was really good. I didn't really find any peace though, sometimes my head works too much:).

Even though I wasn't finding that, "Ahhhhh, Jesus's got in all under control" feeling, I knew that he did anyway. It's kind of interesting. You know how you know something is true but you don't really want to believe it? I think that's how I've been the past week.

Last night this came to a front. I was annoyed with life and school and missing my Angels who are in Spring Sports. I ventured to my first ever swim meet to watch Lauren's last ever swim meet. It was actually pretty neat (as well as pretty humid). I got to talk to a bunch of my girls on the team and that was really good.

I walked out of Northwest to head to my car and it was raining softly (go figure, when has it not rained in the past month?). As I walked I heard people talking and looked up to see an entire rainbow and about 1/4 of another. It was comforting. The last time I saw a rainbow was about a year ago, while I was driving back from my sister's college graduation. A bunch of things were changing and I wasn't sure what God wanted me to do with my life and it was scary to trust him. I took that rainbow as a sign that, "Yes, Lisa, I really am in control!"

So last night, it seemed as more of the same message. "Yep, a year later I am still here. I love you and I have a plan for you (really, I do, you don't need to go look for it or worry about it!)." And I heard this (or saw it, I guess) and I attempted to convince myself that it's message is true.

And then came the puddles. I was never one to jump in puddles or make mudpies or anything of the sort. But if you ever want to, the Northwest parking lot is a great place to find some big ones! I started off a little damp at the ankles. By the time I made it around my car once or twice, the entire back end of my jeans was soaked. I would have sung a little, "Singin' in the Rain," (ok, i did, to myself) if there hadn't been the fear of people around (i.e. lady getting out of her car next to where I was galavanting in the parking lot.

Needless to say, it is finally the weekend, things are looking up (in more ways than one), and hopefully, Lisa will trust that God has all her puddle jumping planned out!

Legend of the $30 Cart

2007-05-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

I went to Wally World yesturday because I was in need of essentials. For some reason the essentials included one queen sized sheet, some hair gel and milk (the last one really is needed).

I walked into the world of consumer bliss (and much credit card debt) and got a cart from one of the ladies who was leaving. (LMM - did you know that Dillons now has sanitary wipes for the handle of the cart so you can be free of germs (of which I typed girls - funny slip of the finger there)) As she handed of the cart, I asked it the cart was a good one. She replied, "Yes, it only spends $30!"

"Hmmmmm," I thought to myself as I commenced with remembering the things I needed to get and went about my shopping. I pondered buying a new CD - Michael Buble (or however the heck you spell his name) was sounding awfully tempting. But I went past the CD's, past the shoes aisle, past the baby clothing (that's a hard one now-a-days with cute kids running amuck!) and on to what I needed, not really worrying about the $30 deal.

But, when I got to the cashier, she rang me up. I spent $30.48! It worked! I threatened the cashier with marking the cart and shoving people over the next time I came in. I figure if I tag it, no one will want it. But alas, the cart has been on it's own at the Wal-Mart for more than 24 hours. It may never be found again. It will remain, however, a legend on my blog - the legend of the $30 (and 48 cent) cart!

Sidenote - Aubrey and I switched two of our students in 7th hour today - it made the last hour quite interesting and amusing:)

Normal?

2007-05-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

As I drove to the East side with Kimmy last night, we had a conversation about normalcy. OK, maybe we didn't actually talk about it. But I was thinking about it!

LMM - See Kimmy in the white Tshirt - she's our Meteorologist hero, it's her first tornado!

See, I am not sure what is normal these days. It seems that, without my knowledge, things have changed and can never be reversed. I am excited about these changes but also a bit scared. I promised myself after last fall that I would prep myself for the next set of changes.

I've been attempting to do so for the past few months, then school gets in the way and I get busy and forget about all else happening. Or, one of the fun new changes (this baby or that baby or neat people hanging out with me:) seems to consume all of my time and I forget about all the changes that I may one day find sad.

This Sunday was Good Shepherd Sunday, a Sunday that will always remind me of Sojourn 2006, our being corralled to Christ and the amazing experience of Andrew and Kristi's wedding. I sat in the pew listening to Fr. Schukman speak of the Good Shepherd and Him leading his flock of lambs. Fr. talked about how when you get sheep together they are very easy to herd. If you only get one or two, though, they will freak out and be completely lost.

I don't feel lost, persay, just a bit bewildered. So many changes are coming my way. Friends are adjusting to married life and parenthood. Kim is getting ready to enter the convent. Jose is moving to Denver to persue his Master's degree. I am moving out on my own (somewhere:). How does one prep oneself for the unknown? I like to imagine things. I once wrote that I need to have a "joyful imagination." It's scary, though, wondering if things will live up to those joyful expectations. And how is that really prepping myself. I am excited for the changes, in a way. I've known they were coming and I know that they will be good. And in addition to the "joyful imagination," I have somewhat of a sense of joyful anticipation for what will happen.

I'm having my student's write about their dreams and goals. I had them write ten year goals. It was interesting to see where they thought they would be - I'm a little older than 10 years older. I am definitely not where I imagined I would be. Even so, where I am is a good place to be!

A thought on unrequited love

2007-04-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind." Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!"
~ Iris in The Holiday

I often wonder about this concept of unrequited love. Mostly because it seems to happen to girls. Ok, really I am talking about myself. This is not a new thing. It makes me sad to think how often this happens. As girls, we long for the prince in shining armor to save us on a white horse, to do the persuing that is supposed to happen, to unveil us as true beauties and fall in love with us. But we worry so much that this will never ever happen.

I think it has a lot to do with our self esteem. In The Holiday, there is the cute old man who Iris meets (I think every girly movie needs cute old men, just look at the quartet in Return to Me!). He says to her, "Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend."

Now, I think there are different kinds of self esteem. A girl (i.e. me) can be completely confident in the workplace or the classroom or in front of peers. But one must have a different kind of self esteem with members of the opposite sex. So many women automatically place themselves in the "best friend category" without even allowing themselves to think that they would ever be a leading lady.

How sad is that? We put ourselves down thinking, "Why would anyone ever love me?" And we automatically think that we are handicapped, that we aren't good enough for the love of another person.

It is sad, yes.

But how many of us do this with God? How many of us think, "God could never love me, God can never forgive me for what I've done or want me to be happy." My friend Joe was explaining it like this (he took it from Fr. Lanzrath - so there you go!): We are all like cups. God's grace is like a pitcher of never ending water, continually pouring into our cup. No matter what we do, His Grace is always open to us. We may cut it off by our actions (mortal sin being a big one, but I think we can also just choose not to accept His grace). We can turn our cups over and not be open to Christ's grace. But even if we do, His love is still there for us, wanting and desiring to overflow into our lives. How amazing a kind of love that is!

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,How can it be?
That You, my King would die for me?
Amazing love,I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honour You,
In all I do, I honour You.
- Chris Tomlin

Father - In this Holy Week, please help us to allow your merciful grace to flow into our lives - Your love is amazing, help me to accept your love with joy.

It's hard letting God do His job!

2007-02-25T21:02:00.000-06:00

If you know me at all, you know that I'm a single, Catholic, fun loving girl with some pretty big dreams. I want to get married and have kids and have a white picket fence with a cat and a dog. Actually, skip the fence - give me a back porch with a porch swing and some twinkle lights. There - that's the picture. I want more than that too. I want to write Catholic young adult novels someday and be a good role model for young women who are trying to find a place in the world.

There's the thing; a place in the world. Ariel sang about it in the Little Mermaid. It made Michael W. Smith's mid 90's album that I played again and again in our kitchen while I was doing the dishes. I want a place in this world where all can say - yep, there's Lisa's place! Right there - doesn't she look great in it?!

The fact that I'm still looking for this place makes it seem as though it doesn't exist. This is not true. There is a place for me; at school, with my family, with my friends, at Church (even though I keep forgetting when I am supposed to lector!) There is definitely a place that screams out - HERE'S LISA'S PLACE - no one can fit it but me! So why doesn't this seem like enough? Why am I not satisfied to be the best me I can be? Instead, it seems like I am ever looking forward to what I will be, what things will be like someday.

I've been reading a book titled, Captivating: Unveiling the Mysteries of a Woman's Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge (same guy that wrote Wild at Heart). They talk about how there are different desires in our hearts.

The desires of a man's heart are:

A Battle to Fight - think cops and robbers, Braveheart, Gladiator, Top Gun - the list could go on
A Longing for Adventure - something that requires a test that will discover if they have what it takes
A Beauty to Rescue - think about it - they have to find someone to fight for

The desires of a woman's heart echo in return those of a man's:

To be Romanced - girls long for romance, to be seen and desired, to be sought after and fought for
An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure - not just sweet, barefoot and pregnant women - we long to have a role in an adventure that is shared - adventure that requires something of us for others - think Arwen and Eowyn
To be Unveiled as a Beauty - Ah, to have a man say that I look beautiful - or even just stop suddenly in surprise at how great I look on any given day:)

Ok - so I blatantly stole these desires, how do they fit? I'm trying to find the perfect "Lisa" space in which to be the best me. While doing so, I have desires for romance, adventure and beauty. In my head, this LMM leads me back to the "relationships in my head" discussion of years gone by (ok, maybe two).

The Church says that we are a Body of Christ, that none of us are alone in this search for a relationship with God. And I know that this relationship with God is the most important one of my life. I also know that as wonderful as that is - I need some flesh and bone here. I need someone to hold my hand - not just imagining that Jesus is saying "Lisa, it'll be OK," but somebody who will kiss my forehead and hold me as I cry all the loneliness out. I know he won't be able to take care of it, but together we can take it to the One who can.

Everybody always says that you have to be comfortable being single before you meet your "one." My struggle is this - how can I be OK being single? I'm all by myself. What happened to this Body of Christ deal in this mix?

I guess what I'm attempting to spill onto the vast internet is this - Somewhere inside I hear the "For I know the plans I have for you." Can someone tell it to my heart and then my head? Then maybe relationships in the real world can take precedence over the ones in my head!

It's hard letting God do His job!

I really need to post!

2007-02-09T21:56:00.000-06:00

I really need to post. I really need to post. Hi-Ho The Dairio, I really need to post!

One of my students was taking a test after school today and I burst into random songage about not wanting to do any of my work.

See, I miss the fact that I don't miss blogging. I don't know if it had to do with being around Keeks 24/7 . . . or just the fact that my living arrangments have been a bit different this year. Hmmmm. . .

I have had ideas, interesting ones actually; about listening to people cheer (especially at bowling meets - it makes me laugh but is also highly enjoyable). And there were other ideas too. I just don't know where they went.

But I try not to spend too much time at home. And when I'm here I want to chill out. Or my computer is being dumb - there's got to be some reason why if I download Service Pack 2 from Windows that my modem stops working . . . I just haven't figured out what it was.

Here's a little bit of LMM to tide you over, or at least make my page more interesting. Or at least fresh . . .

Old Photos

2006-11-21T22:57:00.000-06:00

I just got to my parent's house this evening for Thanksgiving break. My mom has the usual in a pile in "my" room, random newspaper clippings of people from high school that are married or engaged, more random things that she is saving for me in case I need them, something that my dad wants me to like even though I don't. All this and an envelope addressed to me from one of my best friend from high school's moms.

Is it sad that I automatically knew that 11 years ago I must have left the 6th grade yearbook at her house from a sleepover that my friends had? I vaguely remember wanting to see how those oh so attractive high school boys had looked like when we were in middle school.

As I looked through the yearbook a lot of things hit me: "Man, look at that hair," "I thought those teachers were so cool!" along with much other randomness. What amazed me, however, was the emotion that clenched at my heart when I saw some of those faces: That boy was so-o-o-o-o cute!, Oh, yeah - that girl was really sweet - we had that one class together where we did that one project. Oooohhh! That's the girl I was best friends with that one year. All of these seem to be normal reactions to a middle school yearbook.

The one that got me was the "Mean Girls." I know that the whole Lindsay Lohan flick was satirical. But I looked at some of those girls and my emotions went - ick - she was MEAN! There was that girl that I got into my one and only girl fight with (I liked her boyfriend (a lot), he didn't like me, he was dating her, they both fit into that "bad kid" persona and then there was nice little Lisa)(She ended up pulling my hair or something by the 6B hallway when our class was moving for something. All I remember is a lot of hairpulling (I wonder if I pulled her bangs - this was back in the day when they were sprayed 7 inches on top of your head . . . hmmm)

I thought it very interesting that I still remember the "mean girls" of my middle school - they seemed so vicious back then. I wonder if they were . . .

The In Between Times

2006-11-13T11:32:00.000-06:00

In Lisa’s Philosophy of Life, there are many different thoughts. Some are profound, some are weird. But they all make me think. And here’s what I’ve been thinking.

In life’s journey we have these “between times,” a stage of life when we are between one ending and a beginning. These times may be looked forward to times of growing in our lives but as far as I’m concerned they usually pretty much stink. Example:

When I graduated from high school I was so excited about all the things that come with being an adult; going to college, living in a community life, making new friends, deciding which classes I was going to take. But there was a period in there for about 6 months when life sucked. I went to community college and had to watch all my friends go off to college while I stayed in my parents’ house, drove 45 minutes to and from school everyday and stayed at the same job I had in high school. After those six months I started making my niche in the world of community college and was as happy as a bee.

Same happened when I transferred colleges. It took about six months of being on campus to figure out what was going on. And such with other major changes in my life like graduating from college and moving out on my own in a new city. These times are my in between times.

That’s where I am right now; an in between stage. One of the hardest things about this one is that I didn’t see it coming. Granted, even if they are coming and I know it I avoid thinking about it (just as my parents about how much I had packed up my room the day I graduated from college).

In the past, when I have hit one of these “in betweens I’ve known what to look forward to, as well as recognizing that I was leaving something behind. The thing that is so scary about this one is that not only did I not see it coming (pretty much completely blind-sighted) I have no idea what to look forward to and how to be hopeful about it. When you get to college you know that you’ll eventually find someone who really is that close friend. When you graduate you have the thrill of moving out getting your own place, paying your own bills and all that comes with that.

Now, I have moved out of my dream house – an opportunity to live with my best friends and help to forge a community that supported each other through many things. I’ve accomplished all those dreams that I seem to have control over. My “Lisa Plan” is at a standstill. You know, the plan to graduate with an education degree, teach English while living in a house with some really amazing Catholic girls, have lots of friends plan. The next step of the “Lisa Plan” is to get married, have many babies, be an excellent mom and write a book someday. I’m thinking I need to come up with some new goals (or start writing that book, I guess, would be good too). I just wish I had some clue about what this in between time was prepping me for.

Up and at em!!

2006-10-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

My dad thought it would be a great idea to install Windows XP on my computer - and now it's really pretty. It did, however, take me a while to figure out how to install my wireless card. But I figured it out (who would have known that unplugging a device would assist in the instillation? . . .).

Now, I have access to the internet on my very own computer! It feels like it's been years. How very dependent I am on technological communication.

To catch you up, in my absence I have:
- bought a new car - really cute one too! Pontiac Grand Prix - she still needs a name . . .
- bought an aquarium for my classroom. I have five fish, Jem & Scout (Jem's in his sullen stage and keeps hiding behind the mountain) and 3 little pink girls named Bianca, Kate and Julie - Shakespeare anyone?
- did a complete cleaning of the duplex - yes, Kristi, I even washed the bathroom floor - aren't you proud?

I'm sure lots of other things happened but that's all I got for now! I must go continue cleaning - more dusting-ish type stuff and decluttering. The piles are horrendous.

Too Depressing . . .

2006-09-20T21:41:00.000-05:00

If you couldn't tell, Amarillo has just been too depressing to think about much less blog out the entirety of my 4 1/2 hour stay in what is now my least favorite city in the former country of Texas - where everything is big, including the amount of time you have to wait for the Greyhound.

Come to think of it, the past few months of my life would make a great country song. With a twist - My car died (not my dog), the only guy semi interested lives in PA and apparently I didn't measure up to his standards on the "phone interview" - didn't really seem like a phone call. What else . . . I live with a little white dog who doesn't mean to cause any harm. Oh, yeah, my car's lights keep going out. First a headlight that the guy changed for free for me at the Wally World, then a tail light that was fixed by the husbands. Not my husbands, mind you, but my guy friends (most of whom seem to be married to my friends by now) kindly helped me fix in a dark driveway. Oh, and I lost my cell phone. . .

But - the reason this post sounds cheerful is not because of all of that . . . it's because things are looking up. My aunt and uncle were my saviors tonight. They gave me one of their old phones to use. And, I went to target and found pillowcases to match the sheets I bought in February. And, when I got home Marianna said that they found my cell phone!! I don't have to plug all 130+ numbers into a new phone!! Yeay!!

For those of you wondering . . . maybe someday I will share the end of my crazy adventure of a Greyhound bus trip. For now, however, just be glad that you can't say you spent 4 1/2 hours stuck in an ugly bus station w/ a black lady fondly named "Grandma," a semi doped up middle aged woman wanting desperately to see her kids and a couple of hoodlem smoker guys along with the 14 yr old kid that reminded you of your friend's little brother.

Thank you, God for normal 14 year old kids.

I wonder if he smokes pot on the side . . .

My Summer Vacation Part II: The Bus

2006-08-12T19:02:00.000-05:00

Notice: The writing of this post tells the world that I am a naive lower middle class snob who is afraid of weird people. This might not follow my feelings at all times, but it was true for this bus ride!

I have always looked at alternative forms of transportation as exciting new things to experience. I remember my first train ride. Our Girl Scout Troop rode from KC to Columbia and we thought it was a blast. My first train ride in Europe was really neat too, looking at the countryside of Italy.

Greyhound sounded like an adventure. A somewhat creepy adventure, but an adventure nontheless.

On the way to the bus stop I was sitting in the back of my grandparents' truck and I saw a rainbow. I thought to myself, "All right, Lisa, you can do this, God has promised to never leave you." And boy am I glad.

We ended up waiting for the bus for an hour, it was late. It was my grandparent's, a 50some year old nurse who lives in New Mexico and rides the bus to Dallas every two weeks to be a nurse who seemed fairly normal, and this guy. He meandered into the bus station looking a little tired. He had shoulder length crazy hair, an unkept beard, a backpack that looked as if it held all he owned in the world and was wearing a pair of shorts that just wouldn't stay up, an old rock band tshirt and a pair of crocs so worn there was a hole in the bottom. Today's hippie to the extreme! We found out that he was born in Guam and that his parent's lived there but were not involved in the military. He said it all creepy like they were in the mob or selling dope or something.

I finally boarded the bus which is almost completely first. My grandma told me to sit as near the front as possible. I didn't see any seats (but nurse lady got one right behind the bus driver - how did she see it when I missed it?) Scary hippy man sat next to this little girl who looked really nice and I felt kind of bad for her - I would not have wanted to sit with him! I kept going on the bus and toward the back I found a seat next to a younger Black woman. (in trying to be PC in my completely nonPC post, that's what I hear we're supposed to call them). She was a bit bigger but didn't look as scary as the punk guys sitting in front of her (one of whom turned out to be a girl I was astonished to find at a bathroom stop) who were wearing all black as well as spiky earings. I settled down beside "B" (I never actually learned her name but her ticket had a name that started with "B" and tried to sleep. Being the Catholic girl that I am, I started praying a Rosary - the 20 decade kind.

Things were all good until we got to Amarillo. Amarillo by Morning. Amarillo where I had to switch buses. Amarillo, the bus station that hasn't been redecorated since the 50's and the silk flowers that deck the vanities (yeah, the furniture kind with the big mirror and drawers) haven't been dusted since at least twice that long. Amarillo, the bus station right by the Bail Bond office in downtown! Just wait and see!!

My Summer Vacation Part 1: An Unlikely Angel

2006-08-05T23:48:00.000-05:00

I would never have thought that a little old marine could be an angel. But I think I met one last week.

Imagine a hot day. It's 100+ degrees out (I know, not hard to imagine with this weather)and you are on your way to Grandma's house. You've been looking forward to a week of good eating, sitting on the porch and playing with a yappy (albeit cute - yes Nate, I probably spelled that wrong:) dog. You're less then 20 minutes from "home" as Grandma's house is known to be when you live there that week in the summer. And your beloved 1995 Ford Contour overheats on the side of the road.

Ok, ok, yep - that's the beginning of my tale. I waited for a while to see if the engine would cool down - seriously, I just got it checked out before I left. I made a few phone calls. And I headed back out on the road.

About 10 minutes later, after rolling the windows down and running the heater - supposedly it's supposed to blow cool air on your engine? I was stuck once again. I pulled off on the side of the road and got on my phone. Cell phones are my friend, let me tell you.

I hadn't been there very long when an old Jeep pulled up. "Please, God, don't let this be some scary man!!" was my prayer. And he wasn't. He was, however, a short little man with weathered skin and a WWII US Marine Corps hat on. He didn't seem as scary as he could be and he took a look at my car. We decided to have my grandparents come pick me up (I'd already been talking to them). And I got to talking to my angel. His biker son and his biker wife pulled over to make sure we were OK. He told me a couple of war stories and offered me a cigarette. "I wouldn't want to leave my wife or daughter here by themselves, who knows what scary (place racist name for illegal immigrants here) are running around. I smiled as best I could and said, "Thanks, would you mind sticking around for a while? I have some water in the car." He stayed. He smoked. He calmed my nerves - you can't really freak out in the middle of the open 100 degree road with a very old Marine looking after you now, can you? And he was my unlikely Angel.

Stay tuned for some more of Lisa's summer vacation!!!
Look out for mechanics, mullets and many marauding (word starting with "M" that means people) making their way to multiple destinations stranded in Amarillo, TX.

Now school might not be so bad!!

Too fast

2006-07-28T18:09:00.000-05:00

My summer time is slipping away oh so quickly!! Soon my life will be planning and grading and planning and grading. And talking. A lot. Everyday. And being grammatically correct while I do so. Ick.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. I also love the summer and staying up as late as I want to and getting up whenever I feel like it. I like the lazy evenings sitting around and talking to friends. The thing is, however, since it has actually been my summertime (for the past month) I haven't done much of the sitting around with friends. I've had a lot of Lisa time. And I've been doing lots of stuff. But I haven't chilled so much as I would like to.

I went to the Cathedral for Mass on Tuesday. On the way home I had to take a detour (Kellogg was once again closed). I ended up stopping by Kathy's and having an amazing talk with her, then going by Erin's to grab a couple hugs and chat while she did her laundry. It was such a great afternoon!

I was home for the past two days and my mom and I found a karaoke on demand channel on their cable. I think we spent about two hours jamming together singing all the songs that we knew (or at least thought we knew). IT was great. Neither one of us has a clue as to much of how "You are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder goes. But we had a rocking version of "Monday Monday" by the Mommas and Pappas!! The cat just looked at us like we were out of our minds:)

I'm leaving to see my grandparents in CO on Sunday - I'm so excited! I'm not that excited about getting back. I have to start being a real person with a real job again!! Ah, well. I get to be a mentor for our new English teacher and that is pretty exciting!!

Two years and a Month

2006-07-19T15:29:00.001-05:00

My blog has been around for two years and a month! And, as I read back over the entries (as I have been doing for the past half hour, I realize that I need to go make the bread for dinner so that it's ready when we eat it. . . so after Marianna has made bread and I looked for a stray packet of yeast, we have some kneading going on). Oh, yeah, sentence. As I read over my entries, I am struck once again by how much I have changed in the past two years.

I went from having very few friends to having a multitude of really great friendships. I went from being a 1st year teacher to approaching my fourth year of teaching. I have gone from being not really sure who I was, to having a pretty good handle of who I am and what makes me click. At least I think so anyway.

Jose's words of wisdom were once "You know, Lisa, you won't be a Daisy Girl forever." At the time, last December, my life was a little up in the air and his words freaked me out more than a little. Who wanted to take away my house and my girls and my sense of being? I had applied to teach overseas. My roommate was getting married, we didn't know what was going to happen to the Daisy House and I thought for a while I was called to be a nun. Oh, the drama that insues during our lives.

Now it's July. And I live in a really cute duplex with my friend Marianna. I made it through teaching summer school and the world is looking like a nice place to be. I don't feel the need to be searching for something new. I found out that I am not supposed to be a nun, even though their lives never cease to amaze me. I don't need anything for our duplex - although a really comfy reading chair in a sage green that is reasonably inexpensive would be nice. I am starting to get excited about school - even though I haven't been out for that long:). And the fact that there is no boy right now is all right with me. That kind of weirds me out, however. I'd like there to be a boy. A man, really, who I'll get to have kids with someday (speaking of kids, I had a dream where I was 9 months pregnant and playing with the babies feet inside my tummy - should this weird me out?). But for right now, he's not here and that's ok.

I guess it's a feeling of contentment. Not completely, of course, but enough to want to sit back and enjoy life for a while. And enjoy some Lois and Clark while I'm at it - that was such a great show!!

This doesn't seem to be much of the late anniversary post that it should, but it is what it is and I'm all right with that:)

Late Lisa

2006-07-13T12:28:00.000-05:00

Alas, once again the hecticness of June - why is it always thus? - has made me miss my blog-aversary!! So sad . . . tear. I will however, post a late blogaversary blog in honor of the occassion very soon!

Bittersweet

2006-07-04T16:38:00.000-05:00

I started this post last week but the craziness off life and TEC and family overwhelmed me for a few days. I still, however, wanted to post it:)

~

That is how I feel. It hasn't completely sunk in that the Daisy House is no longer ours - I think because I don't want it to. So I am deciding - as of this moment - not to make it a big deal. This is advise I got over a year ago from a wise and caring friend at a moment that was a teansy bit ackward. "Don't let it be a big deal." So this is what I will try with my house. I don't think the whole - I'll stay up as late as possible and make myself as exhasted as possible so I'll fall asleep will work forever.

~

About a week later, it's still a little weird - I can't tell whether living at the SLC for three days was a help or hinderance to feeling at home in our new place. I still, however, picture Kim at home at our house cleaning the kitchen or in my room planning Steubenville stuff. Sad day . . . and yet I think I can find peace with it, at least with the help of my friends and Daisy Girls:)

On much less sappy note, we are having a housewarming party tomorrow at the duplex - dubbed L&M's (Lisa and Marianna's) and you all should come!!

On the Highway of Life

2006-06-28T18:49:00.000-05:00

Dumb Internet quiz that I found humerous for some reason . . .

Every person is at a different point on a different highway of life. Where are you?
As we cruise down the highway of life we come across many metaphorical destinations, some good some bad. Our individual personalities lead us all down a different path. Let this magical personality test tell you where you are headed! Just punch in your name and soon you will be rolling past the roadsign of your life. Don't forget to drive carefully! What are the towns on your highway? Be sure to drop in and visit them all, because life is a journey that we should all cherish. Peace!

His Daisy Girl Highway
Bog of Eternal Marriage 8
Family Farm 16
Hobotown 46
Tower of Commitment 113
Childbirth Hospital 482
Please Drive Carefully

Promises

2006-06-23T23:26:00.000-05:00

I got home from Angels last night and was chilling out watching some Everwood. After watching the greatness that was the series finale, I looked up the DVD at Wal-mart and bought the bargain that was $19.95. I think that, at least in my world, DVD'd TV shows are much cheaper than paying for cable. Besides that, I don't have to worry about missing anything!

But, I'm off on an LMM before I start! The episode I watched last night is called "Snow Job" - not as in the Italian job or the job that I am going to be done with in only 3 school days, but as in Job of the Bible that lost everything.

It was interesting, because before I watched it I read a journal entry that I wrote this spring about the promises God has made to me. He guarantees some pretty rocking stuff. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. But sometimes the promise of things to come seems to be the only thing that gets us through . . . the promise that summer school really will be over on Wednesday when all my kids get done with their presentations, the promise that though the Daisy House will be a memory in a week I really will still have friends, the promise of someday when I get to be grown up and be a mommy and have a family.

Ok, so I didn't mean for this to be sentimental and sad. Ok, realistically maybe I did.

So what does this mean? On Wednesday I will be done teaching summer school!! On Thursday I will spend my last night in my Daisy House. On Friday I will pray our last DH rosary in our Daisy House living room. But also on Friday Marianna and I will spend our first night (ok, my first night) at the duplex. And then, I might actually get to start my summer vacation!

Speaking of which, we need to do something neat for the 4th of July - I need to see some fireworks!!

Friends

2006-06-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

I was at a friend's wedding last night. The only reason I know Ben at all is because my friends are friends with him - you know how that works. We talk when we see each other but we wouldn't ever call and make plans to hang out.

Aside from my two best friends from college that came down for the wedding, all of the people that I knew yesturday fit into that category. I had a blast hanging out with them. I heard college stories that I'd never heard. (LMM - Sarah and I called ourselves "floaters" in college because we didn't really have "our" group. We were both transfer students who never found just one group of people to hang out with, we hung out with whoever we saw first or in someone's room. Hanging out with people was a very sporadic thing.) Add all this to the fact that I got to be a super senior in college and, after a few of my groups graduated with "my" class of 2002, I hung out with members of the class of 2003 (my actual graduating class) . . . end of LMM).

Sometimes this whole group hopping thing isn't all it cracks up to be. I don't necessarily get invited to that many things from college. But, it seems that there are just certain times when I hang with people and it all seems right and peaceful. I got that opportunity last night. I saw people I haven't seen since college or other weddings/Homecomings/random other events when you see people. I found out that my friend Kandace actually lives in town, about 10 minutes away from me - and has for the past year. I heard stories and told stories and drank and laughed.

And it was peaceful. I guess that's the thing I wasn't really expecting. I had a crappy day at work yesturday and it was amazing to get to "be" with people that I don't normally get to hang out with. It was, with all the hecticness of moving out in 3 weeks, stupid job stuff and other volunteer stuff that just keeps coming, a very nice evening.

I just have to say

2006-06-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

that I know it annoys some of you when you put the beginning part of the sentence in the title and the rest in the body of the blog.

But I really wanted to blog that there are only 16 days left of summer school! And friends, I am excited.

New Resolution

2006-06-03T00:23:00.000-05:00

I don't really understand resolutions because they don't usually work. But, I thought I'd try again just to see.

My new resolution is this - to not like a guy until I know what his quirky weirdness is. Because we all have quirky weirdness. Like mine tonight. We went for a walk by the Arkansas river (notice it is not spelled "our-kansas") and we decided to go up to the street and cross the bridge. I couldn't (partially possibly due to keeks' last post) get the Sound of Music out of my head. I had images of Liesel and Marta jumping up and down the stairs and I just couldn't stop singing!! So, do, la, fa, me, re do . . . It's just such a great movie.

Oh, yeah . . . resolution. I, like many girls that I know, form crushes fairly easily. Then I get carried away and when he has only asked me to dance, I dream that we are going to get married someday and live in a little house outside of town with a white picket fence and 2 car seats and a minivan - or at least an SUV. My resolution is this: before I develop this head over heals crush (on a guy who will flirt with me and dance with me and offer to drive me home from fun parties but never asks me out) (note - no bitterness here . . .) I will figure out his quirk.

So many times I have developed a big crush and then, once I find that quirk I think, hello - he drives me crazy, how could I ever like him? But here is my dilema. Will I ever find a guy that doesn't annoy me just a tad? I really don't think so. I kindof hope he does annoy me a little. Or else it would be weird. Because he wouldn't be weird. He would be normal then - and we wouldn't fit because I'm just so gosh darn fun - in my weird, zany, LMM moments. It does, however, have to be one of those quirks that I can deal with. Hmmm . . . maybe I should find out what that is and start looking for guys that fit my quirk. Too bad I'm not supposed to be the one looking!

Sadness

2006-06-01T22:37:00.000-05:00

I am done with my first day of Summer School! Only 19 left to go - and it's gonna go fast! And I understand that I am teaching the lazy kids who couldn't bother to do their homework during the year. But most of these kids are nice, good kids. Ok, ok. It's the first day and they are still a little scared of me but seriously!!

Sadness is, I think one of them stole $20 from another kid. During the year I maintain my sweet little obliviousness to the dumb things that they do - I don't listen to the gossip of which kid is pregnant and all that jazz (which sometimes gets me way out of the loop!). Anyway, it makes me sad. It's so dumb!!

Piles

2006-05-28T18:45:00.000-05:00

I have just spent the majority of the afternoon (into evening) emptying my room of the many piles that have overcome it during the end of May. I am not sure when the last time that I cleaned my room was. Maybe early April, possibly sometime over Spring Break. In any case, it has not been rid of piles for much longer than that.

I think piles could be a fatality in my family. I myself have many of them: piles of laundry, piles of bills to pay, piles of holy cards (what does one do with these?). And usually while cleaning my room I come across a pile of stuff that has no place to belong.

But, not today! Hurray! No piles for Lisa today!! Yeay!

All of those little piles have found places to go - be they in a folder or a bookcase or a trashcan - they are banished from my room!

A little less rock and roll . . .

2006-05-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

I made a decision this evening. The decision was that my blogs recently (as in the past few months cause things have been hecka busy) are too serious!! Seriously, I am a 26 year old single white female and I am too serious!

So this is my crazy and wacky post! hmm . . . I'm kindof stinking it up!! I'll try again later . . .

I want to be in love . . .

2006-05-15T23:25:00.000-05:00

"Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance . . . nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was . . . A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie. "
~ Sleepless in Seattle

For a long time I thought that it wasn't possible to find the love we all see in movies. The love I've dreamed about since I was a little girl. Now, I know that it isn't. But, it is possible to be in love in real life. It's something that I have been blessed to witness.

I could not have pictured a more special weekend for Kristi and Andrew. I knew that it would be big and I was pretty sure it would be a lot of fun. But, as in most big things in my life, I had no idea what would happen. Months ago Kim and I sat out on our back porch and developed our plot - the big thing for the wedding - the new Daisy House tradition for the first Daisy girl's wedding. We started out with a very little idea and it became very big.

The Daisy House (Andrew included) had all fled North by Thursday evening. We had a good old fashioned Great Country Getaway cookout with Ma and Pa Rausch and headed up to the church. Kristi and Andrew wrote their prayer to Mary, Kim wrote her part of the toast and I prayed that Mary would help me give my life to her son so that His will be done in my life. Then, as a house, we sang Sanctuary. "Prepare me to be a santuary, pure and holy - tried and true." We have definitely been tried in the past and God has definitely been true to us. And we have been blessed.

Friday was a laid back day - I have to hand it to Keeks for being so prepared. There was no stress on Friday. We had fun decorating and headed to Whitey's for some grub, then back to the Rausch house to chill. The rehearsal went off without a hitch and dinner was some amazing fun. Then the bridal party headed to the DQ for some deliciousness before heading off to bed.

Saturday began very quietly. We all just kind of wandered around the house looking for things to do. It wasn't until about 11 that we realized (ok, Kristi realized) that we should get our butts in gear and actually put on our dresses and all.

The rest of the day I can't really begin to describe. Beautiful? Yes. Holy? Yes. Fun? Hell Yeah! It was perfect. And yet it was real. It was not "love in the movies" as one of my favorites describes it. It was the flesh and blood beauty of two people that are very dear to me joining their lives in front of God and those that they love. It was Christ's undying love for the Church being shown 5 feet in front of me.

Father's homily was priceless. It fit Kristi and Andrew perfectly. The flower girls were the most adorable thing I've ever seen - or held! The peaceful love felt by everyone in the room was indescribable. Watching the daisies pile up before Kristi and Andrew took my breath away - I knew I had to go last! Dollar dancing with three of my best friends in the world was something I'll never forget - I sure hope I fall hard and fast Ray! Singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and giving my roommate a hug and kiss goodbye as they drove away was funny and poignant all at the same time. Swing dancing with boys from Andale was great fun even though my arms hurt for two days afterward. Chilling with 10 of my closest friends dangling our feet in the hot tub and drinking after the wedding was a blessing.

All of this made me cry. Then Father's homily on Sunday was about being corralled by a Shepard who loves me. Not the "love in the movie" type love but the real "I died because I love you" kind of love. And as I look back on all the blessings of Kristi and Andrew's wedding, I think the biggest of all was this. Love isn't like it is in the movies. It is so much, much more. And I get to experience it for real someday. I get to be married and have my own beautiful day. But until then, I have a Man, a God, corralling me into his arms with his unfailing love.

The Profound

2006-04-17T23:05:00.000-05:00

We just closed up another one of those great Daisy House back porch sitting nights. And tonight was profound. I've been pondering the "bigness" of God for all of Lent; for a while now actually. How can he be that big and still love me, little Lisa from that little blue house down the street. But he does.

This little Lisa sat in her hammock in the starlit blue of breezy night - and it was as if God was holding me in his arms. There are so many things that have been going through my head the past few days. Christ's agony in the garden and his words, "Not my will but your will." I don't know where I am going to live in 2 1/2 months. This little daisy blue house won't be here then. One of my best friendsis getting married and it is beautiful and exciting . . . and sad in that way that changes things forever. One of my student's passed away yesturday. That little quiet girl who sat in the back of my sixth hour class and didn't say very much at all is no longer there.

And yet, Jesus died on the cross - a terrible death - so that he can hold me in the palm of his hand. During Sojourn in January we were sent off to write a letter to Jesus. And I couldn't get the words. I had just returned from one of our teacher's 13 year old son's funeral. So I went for a walk. What I found was a statue of Mary that I had never seen before. I've never really wandered around the SLC either, but even so. It was a statue of Our Lady of Guadelupe - an image that holds a lot of meaning for me and for the teacher who lost her son. And I went up to the rock that sits at the base of Our Lady, sat next to her, placed my head in her hand and I cried.

To imagine the depth of love that the Father has for me. A sword pierced her heart. Three nails, a bunch of thorns, and a spear pierced his body. All for me.

The world's shaking with the love of God
Great and glorious, let the whole Earth sing
And all you ever do is change the old from new
People we believe that...

God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious!

Clouds are breaking, heaven's come to earth
Hearts awakening let the church bells ring
And all you ever do is change the old to new
People we believe that

God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious! My glorious! My glorious! My glorious!

Thank you, Father, for choosing me to be a part of your glory.

Remembering

2006-04-02T22:12:00.000-05:00

A year ago today, I remember sitting in my bedroom with Kimmy watching St. Peter's square as we found out that our beloved Pappa had left this world. Today, on a famous Sunny Sunday, I got to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world. We had a very starchy potluck and prayed a rosary and chaplet of divine mercy for John Paul the Great. I just left my back porch where there are even now friends gathered around the chiminea, smoking cigars, having a drink, sharing a story.

I have been given so much over the past year and a half. There are so many "legends" that have occurred that I have gotten to live through. Kim and I were planning wedding stuff yesturday (again, in the backyard - the weather is beautiful). She was telling the story of our plan later on and it just sounded so neat to be a part of.

Kristi and I went "mad shopping" today. We were looking for shoes and bought 3 skirts, 3 shirts and a pair of shoes. Let me tell you, Buy One, get one free is hard work!!

I am so blessed to have the friendships that I have. To be able to sit back and be. I was watching the firelight and listening to the conversations and daydreaming. It seems God has given me to OK to daydream about my future. The thing is, my daydream was and is very much of a reality. I want to spend my life deeply enjoying the company of those around me.

Good teachers steal ideas

2006-03-01T21:38:00.000-06:00

And that is what I'm about to do!!

Here goes - my top four list!!

Four jobs you have had in your life:

Babysitting
Mr. Goodcents - I always smelled like oil and vinegar - eww!!
Bagging Groceries at the Commissary - best job ever!!
Teaching Freshman and Sophomore English

Four movies you would watch over and over:

Sleepless in Seattle
While You Were Sleeping (do you see a pattern?)
Sound of Music
Office Space (I had to mix it up a little!! But it's true - I love this movie!)

Four places you have lived:

San Francisco
Leavenworth, KS
St. Meinrad, IN
Atchison, KS

Four TV shows you love to watch:

American Idol
Dawson's Creek
Gilmore Girls (pre-skank)
Lois and Clark, the new adventures of Superman!!

Four places you have been on vacation:

Destin, Florida
Rome, Italy
Kitty Hawk, NC
South Bend, Indiana

Four websites I visit daily: (or almost daily)

MSN
school email
delightfuldelirium.blogspot.com
I don't know

Four of my favorite foods:

Chocolate
Italian food made by any of the women on my dad's side of the family - including my mommy!
Panera Turkey Artichoke sandwich
Grilled Cheese and Tomato Soup

Four places I would rather be right now:

In my parent's living room chilling out
Giving my friend Manda a hug
Cold Stone eating ice cream
my living room talking to friends

Yay! A post from Lisa

2006-02-26T00:38:00.000-06:00

I don't rightly know who else would post on my website - as that would be a bit weird and a teenie bit strange, to say the least - it is just an exclamation of, "Hey, after a month of dryness there is finally new postage on this site" (not to be confused with the new postage at the post office who we recieved a postcard from the other day with the cartoon character Cathy saying we can buy stamps at selected ATM machines - Yippeee!!! I always wanted to do that!!)

All right, enough LMM, let's get down to the good stuff. Keeks has been bugging me for a post and was speaking today about how she occasionally goes back and rereads the post from the previous year of the same month. (if that makes sense).

So I did. And I was reminded of the craziness of this weekend a year ago - the infamous "Weekend Off" after having some activity for 2 months strait - and all the drama of our "weekend off." I find it very ironic that my biggest post last February was my lamenting of my singleness. I then found myself wondering that if I lamented again then perhaps the single status would also take care of itself once again. That would be exciting! Alas, there are not any boys making my heart go "cuthump, cuthump" inside my chest as of now. I don't know when that could happen either. Anyway, I decided that this post would not be lamenting so here goes - Lisa not lamenting. I think that would make a great novel title! (a novel idea in fact.)

I have learned something in the writing of this post: One, that Crown and Coke's and Lisa blogging make for a very non-exciting blabbering blog that may be bubbley but not exactly beautiful - how's that for semi - drunken alliteration!! Two - I don't have a whole lot that I want to write about at 1 in the morning. Three - I just added three because it seems you can't have a list with only two. Four - I should really make my bed. I washed my sheets today (our dryer is finally fixed (after 10 minutes and $150 of our landlord's money) and have no sheets on my bed. Some clothes, yes but no sheets. Five - I was going to start singing the Ant's go marching song but I can't remember what five is. I think six deals with sticks . . .

Too true!

2006-01-29T10:28:00.002-06:00

Your Fortune Is

To make a long story short, don't tell it.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

Remembering

2006-01-14T17:38:00.000-06:00

This past week I had my freshman students write a Personal Portfolio, filling it with different entries telling me (and themselves) about who they are as freshman in high school. I figure that with a semester under their belts, they have more of an understanding of who "being me" really is.

I find it very interesting, in retrospect, how I was in high school, and how the "me" in high school has shaped who I am today. Sometimes it is hard to remember the Lisa who was a freshman in high school, getting lost (whether it be in the halls or in the eyes of the dreamy sophomore in my civics class - who by the way still ranks as one of the cutest guys I've ever held hands with (yay for praying during youth group!!).

I was so worried about the impression that I gave to other people. I was so shy and quiet. Wouldn't it be interesting to go back and live (just for a day) as you felt as a freshman? It makes me sad to think how much fear I had. I had to worry about wearing the right outfit, saying the right thing, sitting with the right people at lunch, eating the "cool thing" for lunch (which unfortunatly turned out to be pizza hut pizza and french fries - how gross is that!).

I know that if I had the chance to go back and change myself I wouldn't be the me that I am today (and I am pretty partial to myself). I also know, however, how many others are as scared as I was and that makes me sad.

We are diamonds in the ruff!! We need to let ourselves shine!!

Under Construction

2006-01-12T22:17:00.000-06:00

Lisa is attempting her hand at html coding and all that jazz! Sorry for the craziness. Keep coming back to see the new site!!:)

It's a time for the seasons of . . .

2006-01-08T17:23:00.000-06:00

Lisa!

I know that it is past the new year but it is technically still Christmas (as today is when the US Church celebrates Epiphany – what is up with us changing the 12 days of Christmas to 14?). So, here is my up to the minute recap of 2005. As Kristi names the seasons and they (unfortunately or not) usually have a pretty good idea of how my life goes, I am going to go through the year in that way.

The Winter of Anticipation ~

I started off the year spending some quality time with my sister. She came down for her now-annual Christmas visit. Teri rocks my face off. My best friends joined my on the March for Life. It was one of the most spiritual March trips of my life. We got to have a private mass in the crypt of the Basilica the day after the March. Besides an amazing homily from Father Jarrod, our voices filled the air of the basement with some of the most amazing acoustics I have ever heard. The trip started off my God high that lasted for the next six months.

It’s like God cradled me in his arms last winter and said, "Just wait, Lisa, keep anticipating – I have some amazing things planned for you!" All I can say to that is, "Wow." We got back and two days later I got to go to my student’s sophomore retreat. FJ talked about how they need to be like Dory and "just keep swimming" through all the crud that we have to deal with. The weekend we got back from the March for Life, I attended the Sojourn retreat for Young Adults in the diocese. I didn’t want to go but was blessed not only with some amazing friendships, but with some amazing graces as well. Father concentrated on the 1st chapter of the Song of Songs and how much God intimately wants to know and love us.

Talking about "God Highs," I got to go to the National Catholic Singles Conference which did not turn out to be the meat market as feared, but a spiritually enriching and educational weekend. When we got back, Kristi and I finally had our first weekend off for the year. And what a weekend that turned out to be. I think it was 5 couples that formed that weekend, me included . . . yes, yes, little Lisa got her first taste of love.

The Spring of New Beginnings ~

There were many beginnings last Spring. During Lent we had our first ever God Squad: 90 of our students gave up there mornings and showed up at school at 6:50 every morning for morning prayer, Mass and Ignatian meditations. God was taking me and holding me very close to his heart. My boyfriend was also my co-assistant coach and I felt like life was not as Lent should be, all somber, but a sweet celebration of God’s love for me being manifest throughout every part of my life.

It was as if He was giving me a new beginning in so many senses. An amazing prayer life, a new and sweet love, a house continually growing in people: life was good. My 25th birthday came with a bang. Our house was bombarded by my family and friends. I received my first dozen roses from a boy (along with some amazing presents) and got to spend the day in a private mass, watching movies and cuddling, and then chilling with my high school girls group, the Angels of the Holy Queen that night. The spring also brought my first date to Prom – and for the first time Prom was fun!

The Summer of Clarity ~

I think a better name for the summer would be "The one where Lisa was home for a total of three days," well, just in June. I went to the Steubenville YA Conference, met some amazing people and got a little more God stuff- ah the Praise and Worship! When I got back I left for the boyfriend’s parents house and learned one thing . . . a week is too long! I got to learn a little bit of Spanish, be a part of an amazing and loving family and be a little overwhelmed. When I got back, I left for the HS Steubenville, followed by a trip to Iowa to be a bridesmaid in Manda’s wedding (which was a blast – I’m so glad Matt was there to be my fellow BCer in the wedding party!).

It was during the rest of the summer was a bit of the clarity set in. Jose and I took a break and then decided that God was not calling us to be dating. I called it Lisa’s week of tears 2005 and was not all about the summer of clarity.

The summer ended with an extra special visit from a poppa – the Bishop of Wichita came for dinner and rosary (along with 70 others). It was amazing to see our house literally bursting at the seams with great Catholics.

The Fall of Contentment ~

This is the one that’s kind of weird. The fall was an interesting time and possibly too close for retrospection. It did, however, bring a level of contentment. The ex-boyfriend is now back to being one of my best friends and Kristi, my roommate (one of the 5 couples) is now engaged. Kristi is back to being home a lot more and life was good.

Now it is the Winter of Trust and I don’t really know what is going to happen with life. Kristi gets married in May and the Daisy House is a little up in the air. I thought about moving overseas to teach for the Department of Defense. At the moment, however, God is saying once again, "Trust me Lisa, I have amazing plans for you." I guess I’ll have to wait to see what 2006 brings!

The post that isn't a post

2006-01-04T18:58:00.000-06:00

But it will be fun non the less.

I don't think we use the phrase non-the-less with enough frequency. It is such a fun phrase and yet hardly ever gets used.

I haven't blogged in forever and this makes me sad. I think I haven't blogged because I don't know what to think about things. My last post was posted in confusion and that confusion is still there. One of my roommates is getting married and I don't know what will happen to my house in four months. I don't know if I am going to leave Wichita or stay here. I don't know a lot of things. That is the reason for this "non-post." I can't really update because there is no update. I can't inform because there is no news. I can't think of any more allegories or whatever they are called so I'm going to stop posting!

- on the plus side, I think this semester is going to go really well. I flipped the chairs in my room to face the side wall instead of the back wall and it promises to be a fun arrangement. Plus, all the girls in my 4th hr are going gaga over the new guy at school - ah to be in high school again!!:)

Discernment

2005-12-10T01:03:00.000-06:00

Discernment is such a chilling, scary word for some young Catholics. One might invision stoney cold convents with secretly silent nuns hurrying to and fro. Or perhaps some solitare monk on a mountain eating berries and praying all day.

For me, however, disernment is more than this; it is something that I am doing always. We were talking tonight - a famous Daisy House Priest by Fire night - about choosing God's Will. It seems like such an "out there" concept sometimes, and yet we continually strive for it because it will make us happy. "Where should I look for a job?" we might ask, or "When will I find my one?" "When will I know when I should date someone, at which point should we marry?" In my case right now, the question is "When do I move on?"

We were chilling out yesturday for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception and Jose said, "You know, you won't be a Daisy Girl forever." There will be a new dynamic in my life someday, possibly someday very soon. The daily reflection I got today says that "God comes to us in many and various ways each day. Sometimes he reveals his goodness to us when he allows us to succeed in life. Other times he permits trials in our life so that we can cling more surely to him. The proper response to God’s constant action in our lives will only be possible if we are able to discern that it is indeed God who is acting –– We need the eyes of faith. A habitual interior attitude of faith and trust in God allows us to live with great peace and purpose."

I try to live with the eyes of faith and a trust in God. I have to give it over to him everyday and sometimes I hold more back. But at what point do we say that "here is my decision." I've heard many opinions on this from "Love God, do what you want," to "Pray about it" - my personal fav - hello, don't you think I am already doing that!, to "Follow the next step in your life."

I think that I have followed all of these in the past, a mixture of the three. When I chose moving to Wichita over staying at home, I was scared but I felt a calling. Now that I am here, I love it. But I feel something lacking. When do I go out to look for said lacking? Where do I look? Overseas or right here at home?

I don't have the answers but when I do, I'll be glad to share them with you!

Better Days :)

2005-11-20T23:05:00.000-06:00

This Daisy Girl is in a better mood. I had a great weekend - prospects look up when you have a different from normal routine this week and I get to go home. (I think that was one of the most grammatically incorrect sentences I have ever written!)

I had a great weekend. It was kind of mellow, with half of our friends in Roma. I've decided that mellow may be buena!! Friday we ate soup and went to go see Harry Potter. Let's just say the part w/ You-Know-Who gave me the heeby jeebies this time . . . Then on Saturday I woke up to say Ciao to our flying friends, chilled out and cleaned our house and met a friend for coffee. Then we went to Erin's Party-Lite party - there was some way good food there and some candles that I don't want to afford - Wally-world is good for me. Maybe on a special day I'll buy a good smelling candle at an upscale place like Kohl's (I have a red white and blue one from them that smells divine!). Then a bunch of us (well, ok, it was seven of us - nice small number for friends) went karaoke-ing!! I have decided that my dream to be the next Patsy Cline will never come true but it never hurts to try!

Today rounded out the weekend w/ Mass - we got the stewardship homily from Fr. Daryl - I hear it's his best homily all year long! (j/k). I went to a TEC meeting, came home and chilled out for a while. Then I took a nap. When I woke up from the nap Kristi and Andrew were cooking us dinner (it was rocking, let me tell you - complete w/ pecan brownies!) Then we watched Christmas w/ the Kranks. Not the best movie ever. It was kind of draggy. But it was close to perfect chilling out, don't have anything to worry about Sunday night movie!

Needless to say, Lisa's mood has gotten a bit better:). Yay!!

P. S. Here's to lost drinks!

a blucky mood

2005-11-10T22:08:00.000-06:00

Every few months I get this funk. I am annoyed at everyone (or at least it seems that way). I don't want to do anything (but I don't want to do nothing either). It's just this blucky annoyed sick kind of feeling. I don't like it. I don't invite it, it just comes. And when it comes I have to get out of my house that has 500 people in it all the time; away from cute couples and schoolwork and such. I wish that I understood this feeling and I wish that I could get rid of it!!

Joyful, Joyful Lord We Adore Thee

2005-11-07T22:28:00.000-06:00

Sometimes joy comes when we least expect it, after we are feeling all blue. I was feeling all sad yesturday, for a variety of reasons but I cried and let it all out and gave it to God.

Then I went to our TEC meeting and had to give my practice meditation. It was scary and I went really fast (my half hour talk turned into 15 minutes . . . ) but it was great to get it out there finally and get some feedback.

After the TEC meeting I went to the YA Mass and dinner with the Bishop. During my cry session earlier in the day, I had asked the Holy Spirit to work through me and help me be open to His will. Then I got to be both a lector and a Eucharistic Minister at mass - completely on the spot. Even so, Mass was awesome and the Bishop remembers us from the Dish with the Bish! A little scary but way cool!! (Although, how could you not remember the girls that invited you and 70 of their closest friends over for dinner?)

We were cleaning up from dinner and I was playing with Abby - my five year old friend. I love having five year olds for friends, it gives me an excuse to act like them. I took Abby out to the middle of the gym and we danced together. It was so fun! We were all dressed up and pretty! It reminded me of when my friend Lenicka and I would twirl around the pillars in the basement of St. Ignatious while we ate donuts after Mass. It was great times!!

It seems that that joy has carried through today and it has been really neat. I like it!!

Hope

2005-10-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

So, my roommate names the seasons. To get a background of these (and in essence the last 2 years of my life) take a look at Delightful Delirum. If you've read her post, this is Lisa's version of the past seasons and my reflection on what is to come.

The thing is, I have noticed something about the new seasons as I have lived through the naming of and the season itself; it brings hope to life. My first season was the Summer of Possiblities. I finally had friends in Wichita - that was a possiblity in and of itself what with semi-spontaneous road trips, evenings at the park and nights spent in karaoke at the Chalet, and that made it a great summer.

Enter the Fall of Making it Happen. Man did we make it happen, by moving into our Daisy House and cooking Thanksgiving dinner for a houseful of people, it was rocking.

On to the Winter of Anticipation. Going into the season I had no idea what I was anticipating but I can tell you that I was excited about it. It just seems like such a great thing: Anticipation. I used to stay up till all hours of the night when I was little, anticipating what Santa would bring or what our really neat field trip or the first day of school would be like.

When Kristi named the Winter of Anticipation, I knew what the spring's title would be, The Spring of New Beginnings (that's what's cool about having a roommate who names each season:). And as I said before, I didn't have any idea that the spring would bring with it romance and hope and hand holding and dreaming - so many things that I have anticipated for such a long time. At the end of my second year of teaching, I finally felt like a "full fledged, I know what I am doing" educator and really loved my kids. Having a date to prom didn't hurt matters in the least! I for one, greatly enjoyed the spring of New Beginnings.

To tell you the truth, I was not excited when Keeks announced the summers title (even less so when she said that she knew then what my clarity would be). The Summer of Clarity was a long one for this Lisa. There was a lot of crying (especially for a certain week in July - breaks are stupid, I don't like them but sometimes they are needed) and Jose and I got the answer to our prayers in that this was not what God wanted for us. Things are finally getting back to normal, if there is a normal between us but I can't say that it has been a fun process. Let's just say that clarity is not synonomous with ease.

A few months later I had kind of forgotten the whole season naming phenomina (even though this requires ignoring Kristi's screen saver that announces "Welcome to the Summer of Clarity" every time you walk past - not something I wanted to be reminded of. Needless to say, when talk began the other day about the naming of the fall, I got a bit excited. It seems as though Keeks has a way of summing up our seasons before they happen. And I know that is probably because we fit them into a mold of ooohhh . . . this was making it happen but I am completely all right with that; I like living in a dream world!

The fall's theme "is one that (according to Kristi) will be filled with things coming together. A lot of stuff that we've been waiting for is just going to fall into place. Things will just CLICK this season."

If anyone has been waiting for things to click, I raise my hand and repeat "Me! Me!! Make everything "click" for me!!" I have a feeling that some big things are in store. I don't know what they might be (although I have some ideas that can't be mentioned yet, stay tuned and see what happens with that) but I really hope they click. So, I am leaving them (whatever they are) in the hands of my Mother Mary, asking for her guidance and assistance.

A Woman Who Reads

2005-09-25T00:34:00.000-05:00

My mom sent this to me today. As an English teacher I rather enjoyed it:).

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and begins to read her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies. (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a restricted fishing area", he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading.

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.

"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL of this STORY

Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

A Call; A Frustration

2005-09-13T22:53:00.000-05:00

I was having a conversation about boys with my roommate and her fiance this evening and they said "Whatever happened to that one guy (whose name will be spared in the case that he ever happens to find my blog)." Good question, I thought to myself. I met a guy at a friend's wedding. He was a really nice, neat Catholic guy. We talked for a while, danced for a while (he can do a mean Cotten Eyed Joe) and talked some more. I had a really great time getting to know him, casually invited him over for rosary one night, and then he left, never to be heard from again.

Some of my friends are of the opinion that I should call this guy up and invite him to hang out with us, as a group thing. Herein lies my frustration (I told FJ I would use that word!!). I have conditioned myself, with good reason mind you, not to call a boy that I like and ask him to do something. Why, you may ask? Cause it sounds kindof dumb when I put it like that, even to me. The why is not in the asking; I invite people over to our house all the time. The why is in the unspoken hope somewhere deep inside that he will say yes and he'll be all excited about coming to see me and getting to spend time with me. The why is that when this little senario doesn't play out the way that I think it should in my head (cause come on - I am a pretty cool person to hang with, let me tell you!:) I get really sad and bummed out and the whole situation is much worse that when I was just thinking, "Oh, that boy is neat, I'd like to get to know him better."

So many things happen inside a girl's head. I wish that they did not (although they can be fun for a while . . .). But this isn't reality.

All right then, what is reality? Reality is that guys ask girls for a reason. They are supposed to do the initiating because they don't have all this head stuff going on. (totally made that up, but have sources from a few guys on that one). If a guy asks, we, as girls know that they like us, or are at least intruigued by us and they want to know more. The problem is that this doesn't seem to happen very often and therein lay my call. I don't just want to see guys out there. I want to see MEN! Men who will put aside a fear of rejection in order to ask a nice girl out on a date. I have seen far too many wonderful young ladies sit on the sidelines of the dating world all because no one would see fit to face the fire and ask them out. Most of the time, we are nice people (granted, sometimes we can be pissy but that's definitely not all the time). All you men have to do is just ask!

It is sad to me that I may never get to talk to the cute really fun guy that danced the Chicken Dance with me at a wedding this summer. I wish he would call . . .

Great thoughts and heated debates

2005-08-28T01:21:00.000-05:00

My evening has been pretty rockin' (actually my whole day).

I got started way early with mass this morning (totally didn't want to go but made myself anyway). I got back and had some time to tidy up our house, work on some school work, watch some Big Fish and completely chill out with my roommates. It was fairly fantasmic. Phenominal even!

Then we headed to Olive Garden for Kimmy's bday dinner. After some fab food and great discussion we headed back to the Daisy House. We had some great discussions tonight (all started by the book "The ABC's of Choosing a Good Husband." Yes, I own this book, it has interesting thoughts.

I love talking about things that I am passionate about and hearing what other people have to say. I like hearing other people's ideas on things and having to formulate my own ideas on the subject. I love giving my brain a workout. I don't think this happens enough and it makes me sad. That is one of the reasons I like Kristi's blog. I am not right about everything all the time. I know what I think and feel and all, but it is nice to hear other people's opinions on things.

That seems like a very stinky evening so, fyi, FJ does not like 3 pronged forks!!

Holding out

2005-07-29T22:09:00.000-05:00

I completely stole this from Raquel but I really liked it. Enjoy!!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

Delight

2005-07-14T09:56:00.000-05:00

"Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." ~ Psalm 37:4

Have you ever been hit in the head by God? I mean seriously wacked with something?

Now notice, God does this in a nice way. It is like being wacked with one of those floating noodles for the pool in the summertime. It startles you, you may fall into the pool because of it, but it is a gentle, playful push in the right direction. The right direction may be completely over your head in 9 feet of water, but non-the-less, it is the right direction.

So about this Bible verse. It has come at me with some force for the past week and a half. It shows up everywhere, the websites that I am browsing, the fun little card that Katie brought me last week, the psalm at mass one day, just to name a few.

This leaves me pondering, what am I to do with this? There has been much drama in my life the past week (lets just leave it on the note that Lisa is single once again). This is a good thing. It's stinky that I haven't found my one yet, and I get to watch those that have be all happy - this is cute hoewever disgusting it may be:).

But the love of my life is somewhere out there, just not here and now. I think this is where the verse comes in. "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." God knows that the desires of my heart are to find my love, settle down, be happy and have many babies. So, I have to take delight in him. The dictionary definition of delight, according to Merriam- Webster is the following:
delight
1 : a high degree of gratification : JOY; also : extreme satisfaction
2 : something that gives great pleasure

God has also been showing me how amazingly deep his love for me is. He desires me more than I will ever know. He loves me enough to passionately die for me a horrid and inhumane death. And all I have to do in order to receive the desires of my heart is to find "a high degree of gratification : JOY; also : extreme satisfaction, and great pleasure" in Him. To be happy and receive all of my dreams in a way that will totally boggle my mind, I have to find joy in God alone.

I wish this were as easy as it sounds, instead of the life long, everyday surrender that it promises to be. But hey, the rewards are pretty darn good. Much better than any frequent flyer miles or rebates on gas money. And I have to be joyful!! How hard could that be (I know, I know, pretty hard sometimes)? But, here I am, Miss Lisa, attempting to find the joy of my love, Jesus, in everything that I do.

Thoughts

2005-07-10T00:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not really sure what will come out in this post. This has been a, let's say interesting week.

There are a few people that are "not reading blogs anymore." I've heard of them described as "blurtings out of whatever is in your head that no one really needs to know" (non-direct quote).

I think this is kindof dumb and naive. I'm sure that is true for some blogs. And I am not saying that my writing is in anyway award winning. But it is my thoughts and feelings.

My past week has pretty much stunk. It has had some amazingly good parts. I've had some amazing talks with my girls that I haven't had for a long time. And I am back home, which in itself is a relief. But I have had to do a lot of evaluating and a lot of waiting, because some of the evaluating can't be done until next week and that stinks. Really, I just want it to be over with!

Throughout all of this thinking, I have been praying and talking a lot. But I've also been reading. I've been reading my journals - and reading my blog. And some of the stuff that I write I need to hear again. It is good stuff and thoughts that I have had that I would have forgotten otherwise. And, I like having other people know my thoughts - even if I don't know that they read what I write because they never comment. When they do have something to comment they do and that is neat because they add something to my life and make me smile.

These are my thoughts on blogging. It's not neccessarily a bad thing. Sometimes it is good. For me it is good. And I like it that way.

Happy Blogiversary to me!!

2005-06-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

I almost missed it!! (ok, so I did, it is technically 1:10, but we'll pretend I live in CA (that is where I was born) and that it is still the anniverary of Lisa's very first blog. In honor of this momentous occasion that I almost forgot, I figured I'd give you a list. A Lisa kind of list, not like Kristi's (see Rebuttal - Dec 2004). Therefore, I cannot promise much from this list, except that I will try!!

Great Events/Happenings/Things of Random Ramblings

1) The Daisy House - in September I moved in with Kristi and Kim. Since then God has not only blessed me with two of the most wonderful roommates ever, but some of the most amazing friends a girl could have.

2) The Spring of New Beginnings - I am still waiting to see all that will happen from this Spring, but the beginnings were pretty good:).

3) An uneventful second year of teaching - the second year was so much easier! My kids were great and I felt like I could be Lisa while I was teaching. It was amazing!!

4) Our March 4 Life trip - I got to go to the March for life to stand up for life with my 3 best friends - it was pretty rockin!!

5)Parties - I could name them all - the Housewarming party, the pumpkin carving party, the Great BDay bash of 2004, the Wine and Cheese Party, the Super Bowl Party, the Christmas Party, the Sojourn Reunion (wasn't even here for that one), the Muppet Party, the Cowboy themed party . . . oh, wait - guess I did name almost all of them!!

6) Cozy Sundays - I miss these!! I am tired of traveling!! Can I have my life back, and a cozy (or sunny) sunday? It'd be great! Thanks . . .

7) Roses . . .

Ok. So if I tried to name all of the wonderful stuff that has happened in the past year, it would take the rest of my night (of the only 5 or so that I will be home for in the month of June) so I will stop. Needless to say, it was a great year. I pray that next year can be this great as well. I also pray that as I look back on this year, I will be reminded of the very many blessings that I have been given - all of you!!

quick post from a tired little lisa

2005-06-12T23:36:00.000-05:00

Hey all - I feel so far away from everyone (except for one:)

I have been in Rockford, Il for the past week (almost) and things are going well. I experienced my first Peruvian wedding yesturday and man was it a blast!! Jose's cousins are all really fun (it's nice to hang w/ family that is actually your age). I feel like I have been flying a whirl wind the last few days, spending time w/ Jose, following him car shopping - he got a Nissan Altima that is really cute (can I say that about a guy's car?), picking up brothers and chilling with family, besides meeting all of Jose's really neat friends from youth group in hs.

Over all, it has been a great trip. I feel like I am quiet all the time because everyone is speaking Spanish, but hey - it also gives me a reason to not have to talk as much. Not that I need one of those, but I haven't said anything really stupid to anyone but Josie in days (poor guy). It is great:). Anyways, I will post more from my parent's house sometime around Wednesday. I love you all and miss you!

My thinking problem

2005-06-01T11:07:00.000-05:00

One of my friends in high school told me once, "Lisa, you think too much." And I do. Even now, years later, I have not outgrown the habit of thinking - overanalyzing every little situation into something big and huge and un-deal-with-able. Ok, not every situation but pretty close.

I think this is part of my problem with being undecisive. At a restaurant, during the day, it takes me forever to decide what I want to do. Why is this? Sometimes it is so easy. I want to wear this today. Other times, I try on 10 shirts before deciding to go with the first one with a different pair of pants. For those of you that know me, and have talked to me in the past few days - it has been one big Lisa Think Tank. Seriously, I can't get it to stop!! And what does this do? It blows everything out of proportion and I get freaked out.

So, how do I get over this over thinking problem? It works to talk to people. Late night conversations about crazy things like boys and whatever else we talk about. But what about when there's no one to talk to? What do I do then? I write in my journal to God, but it is so nice to get a human response - one that I can get a hug from.

I don't know if I have a solution. But I am tired of thinking!!

Correction

2005-05-25T23:51:00.000-05:00

I reported in my last blog that summer starts on Saturday. I am here to report that I was sadly mistaken (hello, it was early on Saturday morning - who gets up that early? oh, yeah - me, two Saturdays in a row - but this Sat it's for Katie's wedding and I'm pretty darn cool with that.).
All right, done with LMM, back to the post.

Summer starts today (well, today in 6 minutes at least). Ok, so I don't' have everything crossed off of my "to do before leaving the building - gots to talk to the principal list" done yet. But, at precisely 11:10 am, all students will be issued out of the doors and (cross my fingers) all grades will be in the computer!! It will be amazing. This will be followed by the Mission Club/Liturgy Club picnic and much shopping for our GIANT luau on Friday, along w/ Angels getting together w/ the Grace girls (way exciting!!). Then I'll hop on over to Ray's grad party and have fun - all in moderation of course.

But seriously - is this really summer? I have two parties, three weddings and some major chilling out to do this weekend. It is ridiculous the amount of activity planned for this memorial day!! I am way excited, don't get me wrong (FJ is getting us tiki torches- our back porch is going to be the bomb!!). But I think it may possibly be a bit overkill on the fun scale. I just want to sit back and sunbathe for a day people!! Ah, well - my time will come.

I haven't written a late night post for a while now. I miss them. There will be many more to come in future days!!! (cause I can stay up past 10:30!!)

Early on Saturday Morning

2005-05-21T08:13:00.000-05:00

When you don't know what to name your post, it is best to start with what you are thinking. I am thinking that it is very early in the morning and wondering why I am awake at 8. But, I had my alarm set to go off in a few minutes anyways so I can make it to the CORE meeting for SALT.

Summer is quickly approaching and it is so exciting. I have been grading like a mad cow all week long. Seriously, I had to stop giving assignments cause I won't have time to grade them all before I have to turn in grades. It is ridiculous. But alas, there are only 4 more days. It is kind of sad. I really like all of my classes this year. Even those kids that drive me crazy in class are really good kids - it's just that when they get to my class they go a little wacko.

I am excited for this summer. I think some really neat things are going to happen. I am going to be the world traveler - ok, just midwest/southern US traveler. But - I get to go to Chicago and New Orleans and I've never been to either place. That is exciting. And I get to go with Jose which will be fun. I will be freaking out about meeting his family - I don't know how to speak Spanish and it will be like My Big Fat Greek Wedding meets Meet the Parents and I hope not that dramatic!!

So, I wait - in joyful anticipation - on this early Saturday morning with the knowledge that next Saturday is the beginning of summer!!!

"Ru-ha"

2005-05-11T23:21:00.000-05:00

Otherwise, if it was spelled correctly - breath of God, the breath of life that is the Holy Spirit. I find it interesting that sometimes you can feel the Holy Spirit moving. Like I just know that something "big" is about to happen. God is prepping me. He's saying "Get off your butt, Lisa! Get a move on. I want to see some things from you!!"

I don't really have a clue of what he is prepping me for. That is the exciting, scary faith part. I think it may have something to do with my crazy summer. And the two trips to Steubenville that I am taking - can we say charismatic and Steubenville in the same sentence? Hello Holy Spirit!

I don't know what this could be. And although I am excited and a little freaked out - it is coming from Jesus - through Mary - are they going to make my life bad? No - they are going to make me closer to Jesus which is closer to heaven which is the true happiness. So although I am freaking out a little, it is good to freak out, it will bring me closer to Jesus.

- ok, don't know if that logic works in reality but it does in my head so flow with me here people!!

Red is for . . .

2005-05-03T21:50:00.000-05:00

First it was pink and white.

Then yellow with a tinge of red.

Now it is red, a deep meanful red.

. . . for love.

Fun Stuff!

2005-04-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

Elisabeth Anne's Aliases

Your movie star name: Twizzlers Joe
Your fashion designer name is Elisabeth Rome
Your socialite name is Lioness Wichita
Your fly girl / guy name is E Car
Your detective name is Cats Carroll
Your barfly name is Cake Sex On The Beach
Your soap opera name is Anne Birch
Your rock star name is Chocolate Jaguar
Your Star Wars name is Eliril Carjos
Your punk rock band name is The Happy:) Nose

courtesy of http://blogthings.com/meganames/outcome.php

Interesting Encounters

2005-04-18T08:59:00.000-05:00

This weekend was fantastic! On Friday Kim, Jose and I went to the airport to pick Kristi up from her two-week training in Chicago. It is so good to have all us Daisy Girls together!! Saturday was wonderful. I slept in and then cleaned my room (my closet is full for the first time in months!!). We went out to lunch at Hog Wild Pit BBQ – yummy – with Peter Carney who was home for the weekendJ. Then, Kim, Kristi, Amy and I went hammock/porch swing shopping.
There were some amazingly great songs on the radio while we were shopping. And, it was a beautiful day so we had the windows open in the car. We were sitting at the stoplight next to a guy on a motorcycle and I started singing really loudly. He looked over at us like we were crazy. I kept singing, just a little more quietly however. Here we are in the car, jammin’ and snapping our fingers. It was great. So great it was that when we got to Target I really didn’t want to stop singing. Kristi and I broke out into a chorus on the way to the porch furniture section. We were all singing and groovin’. Then we noticed this guy in the aisle that was staring at us. We both noticed him at the same time and stopped our singing. He looked over at us and said “Hey, good job with the song girls!” It was all we could do not to break down into laughter, it was great!!

Do you know . . .

2005-04-11T21:55:00.000-05:00

how happy they always seem in musicals? They're all goo-goo and it is really gross to watch.

I feel like that this week :). I like it, it is neat!

Eight years later . . .

2005-04-10T00:22:00.000-05:00

Tonight I experienced a first. Pretty late for an almost 25 year old, but that's ok. I had my first date to a dance (if you don't count my pappa who is amazing, but really - who else is he going to ask to the Father/Daughter dance?). After experiencing all of my high school dances going either stag or stag w/ one of my best friends' dates (I couldn't even get a date to Sadie Hawkins man!), I finally had a date!

Let me just say that I like dates. They are neat. I like having a boyfriend. He is pretty neat. I like him. He likes me too. He picks out really good roses (and knows it too). And even though I will have a gazillion questions to answer Monday morning from each and every student that I have, going to prom this year was a blast!! Yeah for chaperones - aka - one who buys alcohol (just had to remember the Nathaniel there:)!

btw - I have a "suprise" date tomorrow. I hear it will be fun. I will let you know:).

It's been a long time . . .

2005-03-28T16:04:00.000-06:00

. . . since I blogged so I thought I'd give you all an update on Lisa Land. Things here (or there depending on where I am) are good. I have just returned home from a week and a half Spring Break trip. Let me just say - it is good to be home. (It will be even better when everybody else gets home - ok, when my boyfriend gets home tonight) I can say that! It is pretty neat. Ok, it is really neat. Before I left he got me a really pretty rose and then when I got back there was an Easter basket waiting for me. Needless to say, it made me smile - a lot. Ah, the hopeless romantic that is me. Usually, however, I get to watch it on Sleepless in Seatle or A Walk to Remember or some other sappy romantic comedy. Nope, not this time. This time it is real. And neat. And smiley. Poor Kimmy has to live with us smiling girls.

I love home. And days off. Today I woke up at 7 - yes that ungodly hour on a vacation day. I chilled until 11, went to mass at the Cathedral - oh so prettily decorated for Easter - ALLELUIA!!, went to my favorite store - yay for Wally World, called bunches of people for dinner tonight - if you are in town, stop by it is going to be good! When I got home I made my lunch, including a caffinated beverage of the cherry-vanilla diet dr. pepper variety, got a book and a CD player and chilled out in our back yard for a couple of hours. The best day to spend a Spring day if you ask me:).

Spring of New Beginnings

2005-03-12T16:24:00.000-06:00

My roommate Kristi decided about a year ago that it would be fun to theme the seasons. This gives us something to look forward to while bringing excitement to life. I have thus far lived through the "Summer of Possibilities," the "Fall of Making it Happen," the "Winter of Anticipation," and now the "Spring of New Begginings" is upon us. Check out her blog!

For one thing, it is beautiful outside! I love the spring and all the dead stuff becoming alive and the smell of daisies and daffodils blooming! It is great. As for the new beginnings - God is working some amazing stuff in my life right now. We were at Lenten Season (affectionately known as "The God Squad") this morning and reflecting on how much Jesus loves us. His mercy is flowing down on me in so many ways that I don't even realize. (LMM - a few years ago I went convent hopping for spring break. We visited the Carmelite Sisters of the Divine Heart of Jesus. They are amazing women. Anyways, it was during Lent and we were talking about sacrifices. Their sacrifice was to let God love them - because so many people don't.) That's not really an LMM because that is what God is asking of me right now. He's there, with his arms open on the cross saying, "I love you Lisa. I want to give you the desires of your heart." And he is. It is amazing! I love it! I feel very blest:).

Thoughts of an English Teacher

2005-02-27T01:42:00.000-06:00

Yes, Jason, I agree that the "So, . . . " could and is getting a little old. But it is a fun way to start out a paragraph.

But, the whole discussion made me think about how none grammatically correct I write on my blog. And how, as an English teacher, this should annoy me greatly. But - it doesn't. I think that I am rebelling. I have to grade a hundred and five papers (ok, I am supposed to grade 105 papers, that doesn't mean I get that many). Many of them say the same things over and over and over again - not a whole lot of creativity. Also, very few of them stay on topic (or at least the topic that they are supposed to be on). I think that may be why my blogs are so random - I don't have to grade my blog, or make sure that the spelling is right or that I have the right sentence structure or dangling modifiers or run on sentences . . . And, you get to read them! joy of joys!!

On a slightly different topic, I have been thinking a lot about being content. Actually, it has been more praying about being content. The conclusion that I have come to (at least to an extent) is that you have to want to be content. It is a choice. I know that God loves me. I know that He cares for me and that if I am open to it, he can do wondrous things through me - and for me. In order for this to happen, I have to give myself over and let him know that I want Him to - to allow him to.

It is amazing that gifts that God has given me in the past year. Not a year ago, I was sitting in my apartment wondering why I did not have any friends - hello, I am a fun person! Since then, God has blessed me with some life-long forever friends that love me even through my grammatically incorrectness and annoying spells of not cleaning anything and just being annoyed. It took a while to find them, but I am so blessed by them that it amazes me. You guys add to my life in such an important way!! I love each of you more than I can say!

btw - happy Sunday during let - yay for Feast days!

Note to self -

2005-02-24T22:59:00.000-06:00

I am not allowed to start any more posts with "(insert word) . . ." It is getting on my nerves!!

Single . . .

2005-02-24T17:05:00.000-06:00

. . . that is what I am. It has defined me for about 25 years now. After going to a singles conference, this is very apparent. and I don't like it!!

I do, being single is wonderful. I get to do what I want to do when I want to. I don't have to worry about planning things because it is just me. But it gets to the point where you've had enough. Especially when Webster's dictionary defines single as "a : not married b : of or relating to celibacy." Not exactly the definition I have of "Lisa" in my life plan - I know Soujourners - it's not my life plan it is God's life plan. But the two have faired pretty well together so far.

So where do I go know? One of the speakers at the National Catholic Singles Conference (Dave Sloan - check out God of Desire . com - it rocks my face off) said that we spend too much time looking for "features" of a mate; what kind of car he drives, what clothes he wears, that sort of thing. I don't think of myself as a materialistic type person, but here is what I wonder. I wonder if I am concentrating on too many specific qualities and missing out on some amazing relationships because of this.

This is what I have been wondering. and wondering and thinking and things keep happening. Things have been crazy amazing this week. Here are just a few of them:
Our Lenten Season at school - Get this - we have 75- 90 students coming to school at 6:50 every morning for morning prayer, meditation and mass. We have all kinds of kids coming to pray, the captains of the football team, volleyball players, cheerleaders to our liturgy club members and guys that come all the time to pray morning prayer - and of course my own Angels of the Holy Queen!! It is amazing to see these students give up their sleep to grow closer to God. I love Lent - it is amazing and it is hard!!!
The Daisy House - God is totally working some wonders through our house. All we are doing is living our lives, attempting to be good Catholics. All of a sudden we are meeting people in Denver (from Wichita) that know about our house! This amazes me - St. Therese is building herself a bouquet of friendships right in our living room.
Angels - some awesome things are in store for the Angels - they are amazing women that challenge me to grow in my faith. God has some wonderful stuff planned for us!!
God of Desire - So, I mentioned Dave's site when I started writing this blog this afternoon before Mass. We get home from the evening's craziness only to find that the Dave Sloan has posted on Kristi's webpage. God rocks my face off!

I want to end this post in prayer:
Father - Thank you for the amazing love that you show us throughout the season of Lent. Thank you for those that you have put in our lives. Help us to be aware of your ever-present reality and care for us.

Acceptance

2005-01-31T22:19:00.000-06:00

I just went to see Phantom of the Opera with one of my lifelong friends. She is moving this weekend and I am sad because even though we don't hang out much, it is nice to have her around.

I've been in a reflecting mood recently and the movie was no exception. The story of a man how is not accepted for who he is and what he looks like. It is a sad and poignant story. And yet, unfortunately, it is the story of so many of us quote-on-quote undisfigured people. I think that we are all disfigured in many ways - or at least think that we are.

My weekend was amazing. I went on a Sojourn and it was great. I did not want to go on Friday. As I was driving in the snow, I just wanted to come home and sleep. But I got out there and God did the rest. Father Jarrod pointed out a verse in Song of Songs chapter 1 that says "Ah, you are beautiful . . . yes, you are lovely." I don't feel lovely. Most of the time I feel rather frumpy. I can't imagine how the Phantom felt.

The thing is, however, that God desires me no matter how broken I am. When it doesn't feel like I am good enough, he holds out his hand to me. A hand that has been pierced by a nail just because he loves me. How amazing is that? All he wants for me is to desire him the way he desires and loves me. I pray that I can give back to him - through giving to those around me - a measure of the love, the happiness that he has given me.

Power Outages . . .

2005-01-08T16:49:00.000-06:00

So, our power went out the other day. Not for as long as some people. Ok, for 45 minutes. But, I don't know that I would have minded if it had been longer. (I know what you are thinking; "You didn't have to get up early, clean off your car and drive the icy roads to work after taking a cold shower and not being able to blow dry your hair.") Nope, I have a cushy job (ha, if you think teaching is cushy, try it for a day.

Anyway, I am totally off the subject. The power went out and I was sitting with my two roommates with the fire glowing its warmth and the french vanilla candle permeating the room with its light and its scent. We just sat there (after we did our Windsor Pilates tape workout from memory in front of the fire). We could just "be." It was so refreshing to just "be." There was no pressure that we should be doing anything. There was nothing to do. We just took cozy naps and sat and watched the fire glimmering. (can a fire glimmer).

I was almost disappointed when the lights came back on. It was, as I explained to my girls, "loud in our house." There were machines humming and lights murmuring and life trying to track us down saying "Why aren't you watching TV or playing a game or working on something for school tomorrow." And I was sad.

I think that we, as an American culture, have forgotten how to be with each other. We can't just sit and not do anything. I think that we do it more here at the Daisy House. When I went home for Christmas there was no time for "being." We had to watch this movie or that show or eat or cook or go somewhere. There was very little "being."

That is my challenge. For myself as well as for you, my reader. Take some time this weekend to "be" with your family and friends. It is relaxing. It is non-stressing. It is good.

A rebuttal

2004-12-30T20:15:00.000-06:00

I keep giving my roommate Kristi a hard time because she likes to list things. Ok, that is an understatement. She loves to list things. It is one of her favorite things to do, just check out her recent blog. But, I realize that lists are fun things to make (especially when you are bored in class, I miss making to do lists in college classes) and I decided to make my own.

Without further ado, I bring you some of Lisa's favorite things. These are things that have happened this past year, stuff that I like, things that make me smile, the like. And some stuff that just seems like it should be listed!!

1) Feeling at home - whether at my parent's house, at the Daisy House, in front of the Eucharist, or just with my friends, I love feeling at home.

2) Cozy days - seeing as I've blogged about them a couple of times, I feel they should make the list. Yeah for chillin' out on Sunday afternoons!

3) Hanging out with my sister - she is amazing and fun and I love her

4) Making it happen - even though this was the theme for fall, it seems to just keep on going. I love making things happen. Can I get a job where I make things happen? That would be great man, fantabulous. Fixing things and making things happen.

sublist of making things happen

Random Road Trip to Indiana - seeing Notre Dame and meeting Chris and getting completely lost in rural Indiana
Nutcracker - I have always wanted to go and it was awesome!!
Wine and Cheese party
Getting involved with the Angels of the Holy Queen and dedicating my life to Mary - amazing things, let me tell you. And I love my girls - they are so fun!
Feeling like I know what I am doing while teaching - big thing, let me tell you, big thing
Getting some SALT stuff going - ok, still making this happen but let me tell you, it is going to be pretty rad!

end of sublist

5) Ok, so this is why I don't make lists. I always go off into sublists in my brain and then I run out of things to talk about. So, you should go read the middle of my rebuttal and then leave me a comment!!

I pray that all of you have a safe and happy new year's eve and that someday I get a kiss at midnight!!

in the middle of a rebuttal

2004-12-30T19:52:00.000-06:00

So, I am in the middle of writing another blog to finish out the year of 2004 but my thoughts got interrupted (blame it all on the little man, it is totally his fault).

I just have to say that I love guy hugs. They have to be the greatest thing ever. Which brings me to a funny story. (does it seem that all stories start like that?) Think back to junior year of college (my junior year not yours). I was walking down the steps of the student union on my way to check my mail or something and ran into my friend Patrick. We were both like "Hey! I need a hug." And seriously, it was the best hug ever. Unfortunately Patrick transferred to some school in Colorado the next year but in January of the next year I saw him at a conference. We were talking about all the good old times (like when he borrowed a clean pillow case from me after a friend sat on his while we watched Tarzan) and he brought up the hug. "Do you remember that hug on the steps of the student union that day?" he said to me. "Yes! I do, that was great!" I replied.

And that is my ode to great hugs.

End of LMM.

Pointage . . .

2004-12-16T22:25:00.000-06:00

We went out tonight (the 10th night of the fourteen days of celebration;). Let me just say that I love Biggins. It is my favoritist bar ever. The whole time we were there I was "eye flirting" with a guy. (see little house blog #325). No possibilities, no waiting if he'll call, just some harmless flirtting and batting of eyes. And let me tell you it was fun!

FYI, the Daisy House girls are sponsoring big mondo gondo party on Saturday. Come on over and bring your friends.

. . . and Mr. Grey sweater over at the next table, you are welcome to come over too!

Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio?

2004-12-14T18:20:00.000-06:00

My week is going much better than it did last week. I couldn't tell you whether it is because my brain decided to come back from vacation. Or, it could be that while my brain was on vacation last week it decided to show a movie in class this week. I would vouch for the latter.

Either way you take it, this week is going by very quickly. I am getting a ton of stuff done (except for the Advent Angel gift for tomorrow - what do you get for the new principal - who is male? This is why I don't have a boyfriend. Because I would not know what to buy him . . . LMM, sorry, back to the story). I even stayed late after school today just to be productive!! I was writing down our assignments for each day (so that when the students say "hey, you didn't tell us that!" I can retort "Hmmmm . . . It has been on the board all week . . .") I was getting to next week and couldn't even get through the week! Before I knew it, the word "Final" was on the board. What is that? Time to have a week off already (not that I am complaining, it's just that the semester has flown by).

Totally off the subject . . . Does it annoy you all that I speak in parenthesis? That is how it comes out of my head. I just wonder . . . Also, then I will know if you are actually reading:).

Blah!

2004-12-09T16:47:00.000-06:00

That is how my brain has been working. It's like it is full of "blah, blah, blah," instead of tangible thoughts that make neurons connect in my brain. Here is the list of random things that I have done this past week just to give you an example.

1) The Debate tournament - This in itself could give you ten ways my brain is already on Christmas break. I was sponsoring the day. First, I slept right through our projected SP (starting poing), got there late, could not for the life of me figure out how to open the bus doors (I was driving one of the mini school buses and it totally baffled me), and got lost on the way to Augusta High. I was so glad we finally got there and I was so excited that I left the lights in the bus on and our battery died. Then, somewhere between Augusta and Wichita, I got passed the students ballots from the day - no idea what happened to those . . .

2) Drive by - I am still not used to driving to our house sometimes (especially when the night is dark and foggy). In fact, I totally passed our turn the other night coming back from something or other.

3) Totally Tot becomes totally blown off - Not really, I just was not thinking about it being the holiday season! On my first official month in charge of Wichita's Theology on Tap, I didn't call Willie C's (our usual restaurant of choice) until after they were already booked for another party. Hence I ended up calling mucho restaurante's in the phone book to try to find us a spot. Kristi finally bailed me out of this one! She is amazing:) (and pretty, you are, as you will need to know before reading the next reason I am dumb).
Hightlight for this one - we get to try out a new restaurant and see if it works!

4) So, the girls of the Daisy House have been planning to go to the Nutcracker since September. I was all excited about it and said I'd be in charge. I ordered tickets and thought everything fine and dandy. We're going to get all dressed up and go out to eat, it's going to be a ball (or ballet as the case may be). But, when counting people to mail our last email to, I realized that I had forgotten to add Kristi (one of my roommates) to the list!! How do I do it? My brain is full of blahs!! Fortunately, all I had to do was call and add another ticket and it worked out well:) Thank goodness!!

I am sure that I have forgotten a few things, what with my brain blahhhs going on vacation two weeks early. What will we do? I don't know!!

Why do girls do that?

2004-12-02T20:56:00.000-06:00

This was the topic of conversation at the Daisy house the other night, brought up by our friend Jim: "Why do they do that?" he asked, "Why do Girls have relationships with guys in their heads?"

The answer I gave at the time (at least in my head, I can't remember if it was out loud) was that girls are dumb. The real reason, however, is that most girls (me) find that having a boyfriend (or even the thought of a boyfriend) is exciting and fun.

Example: My senior year of high school I had already ruled out all the boys that I would actually date (Ok, so none of them asked me out so it was fruitless). And, having a crush is a fun thing. (LMM - My friend Jen once said that she wanted someone to have a crush on our friend Brandon so I said ok, I will! little did she know I already had a crush on him but that is another story). So . . . back to senior year. I had decided to have this huge crush on a Mormon boy. I knew nothing would ever happen and therefore it was "safe." It made life fun: I made a big deal out of it when I saw him in the hall, and English class was always looked to with anticipation.

In other words. we gals like to plan and dream. Many of the girls that I know have planned much of their weddings. I know what colors I want, what songs I want played at the reception, what type of dress I want to wear, that there must be some pink somewhere. All I don't have is the groom. The point of this diatribe? We like to plan. We like to dream. It puts a smile on my face.

So . . . why do we have relationships with boys in our heads? It gives us something to think about while waiting for Mr. Right. It is a lot safer to "pretend" to be dating someone, wondering what it would be like than to face the rejection of a real life "I don't like you like that but you are a great friend," or the falling in love with a guy who isn't worth it.

Unfortunately, when your imagination doesn't happen to coincide with reality, that can be more depressing than being bored in the first place.

It is a blogaversary!!

2004-12-01T22:21:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I missed the sixth month anniversary of my blog last Friday due to the whole being off for Thanksgiving break. But, it is an occasion in which to reflect (one of my favorite things) and to ponder the future (another favorite thing), as well as an opportunity to get some more readers!! comments are welcome :).

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes . . .

A few of my favorite bloggings . . . and other random thoughts (this is random ramblings, you realize)

1 ~ The simple things in life . . . I love the little things. The Daisy House had a Thanksgiving Dinner at our house last week. After we were done gorging ourselves on a scrumptious feast, we sat around our fireplace and sang praise and worship. It was amazing because it was so simple; and yet the simple is not recognized in everyday life. It makes me sad.

2~ The romantic things in life - This blog happened to be about musicals, but reminds me of the sad state of my love life. Ok, the completely non-existent state of my love life. I want the whistles and bells and the butterflies and the walking on clouds sensation that seems to be an everyday occurrence in musicals. You can just (as a man) ask for a "beautiful hide" and there she comes. It is crazy.

I worry - will I miss it when it comes. Will I over analyze? (whatever I do, the answer to this one will be yes) And the ever faithful - When the stinking time will he come, man, I am done waiting!! But then, when he gets here, will I be completely annoyed with him and rule him out? (probably not but how will I know?)

3 ~ LMM - nuff said, read the blog, it is totally me

4 ~ Standing outside the fire - I have a fervent belief that we miss out on a lot of opportunities because they take work and we are lazy. Tonight, driving home from the east side, my roommates and I got all excited about things that need to happen in the young adult world of the Wichita Diocese. We were full of ideas and great thoughts, but it all comes down to this: What are we going to do?

These are a few of my random thoughts on the last six months. I am full of LMM's and have so much that wants to come out of my brain but my fingers just can't keep up and the rest of my brain fell asleep because I woke up early to work out.

All in all, there are things that I want (my favorite things). Some of them are way out there (staging a musical in the Wal-mart). Some are everyday things such as getting through the day with a 100 16 year-olds. Others are hopefully long term things like meeting the man of my dreams and having babies.

I don't know what to do with these dreams but just keep dreaming. And, when I really don't want to, stand outside the fire and make it happen!

"I found myself in college . . .

2004-11-17T11:00:00.000-06:00

. . . then I moved to the real world and lost myself again." - Kiki

My roommate and I were discussing life issues the other day when she put into words what I have been feeling for the past year. I feel lost some days. By my senior year of college, I loved myself. I knew what I liked and disliked, I knew how to change what I didn't like and knew what not to mess with. I liked being "me" and I knew exactly who "me" was. It was great.

Since then, I moved to a brand new city where I only knew a handful of people (from my college of app. 800 where I knew, or knew of, everyone). And although I still know "me" and love being "me," it seems harder for that me to come out of my "me" shell.

This seems to happen every time that I move on. In high school, I thought I knew "me." I knew which people were my friends, I became what my friend Sarah and I call "a floater" when my best friends had a huge semester long fight, and I was happy being Lisa. Then, when all these friends went off to college and I was at home driving an hour and a half back and forth to the local community college, it took me a while, but I found my crowd and we were happy.

When I transfered colleges, it took me about a year to find my niche. The year was hard and full of tears, but eventually I found the me that had been emerging for a while. And it was great. I was finally around Catholics that loved their faith as much as I did. I learned how to live that aspect of my faith (before, I had been surrounded by Christians who were amazing, but something was lacking). I developed a greater zeal for the Mass and relying on my Heavenly Father and Mary as my mother. Through all of this, I became what it seemed I had been trying to become for quite some time. And I was happy.

Since moving to Wichita, I have lost some of the things that I attribute to be "Lisa things." I call myself an "introverted extrovert." I love being around people and being a leader. It is something that drives me and makes me happy. The thing is, I have to get over the introverted, "I am scared to get involved" mode that dominates new things for me. I have got to get in there and do something. To let Wichita know that I know myself, I like myself and I want to get involved!!

Now, I just have to act . . . why is that the hard part?

A Case of the Mondays

2004-11-15T20:43:00.000-06:00

I finally bought "Office Space" the other day! I am very excited. I love the beginning when they are stuck in traffic . . . and the fact that Michael Bolton looks like my friend JP that I have not seen for years . . . Where are you man?

Tonight, it feels as if I am having a case of the mondays. But see, school was just fine (except for the tired part, I think the waking up at 5 am to get Rascal Flatts tickets finally sunk in around 5th hour today). But seriously, I just feel blah.

I miss my family like none other. I don't know how I could live very far away from them. This whole three hour thing seems really hard some days!! This brings up my other dilemma.

So, I gave living in Wichita two years when I moved here. This was a kindof unconditioned, unplanned response. But I figured that the first year always stinks, especially in a new place. I want at least two years to figure out this whole grown up thing before I think about moving.

Well, I am in the middle of a second year. I have got things going pretty well in the whole "having a clue what it takes to be a teacher" department. I think that I am doing fairly well. So know, what do I do? Do I move to Kansas City where, although I do know a lot of people, I don't know very many very well. And then I would have to get in with a new English department and that kindof stinks. And possibly teach all new books (that would really stink). But the thought of moving on is also very exciting.

I don't know. This is at the beginning stages of praying and planning. And all in all, maybe it is a case of the Mondays.

Keep Holy the Sabbath

2004-11-07T22:12:00.000-06:00

In high school, I was always annoyed that my mom would never go shopping or anything on Sunday. Now, however, I realize that she was attempting to give us some time off of the real world.

I was never a "no work on Sundays" type gal till college. Taking a day off of studying seemed like a great idea. There were some great Sundays too. Hanging out watching Pappa's Angels with my suitemates in the 1st Atchison Benedictine Abbot's room (hurray for Abbot Innocent Wolf!!) and taking long walks to the abby pond with random people (LMM - one time my friend Jeff Block and I (he was great, I miss him) walked down to "Lake Angelas" only to find freshman boys swimming in the pond (quite scary, let me tell you, plus they were loud and it ruined the quiet, out in the country feel of the afternoon (with the exeption of being able to hear the train pass)). But I digress . . . a lot . . .

The girls of the Daisy House have instituted "Cozy Days" for the sole purpose of chillin' out on Sundays with our friends. Let me tell you. This makes my weekends feel like mini vacations. It is so nice to be able to play cards or carve pumpkins or bake goodies for my friends. It is all that stuff that I never have time to do during the week that I get time for on our Sundays.

So, I just wanted to give a shout out to the big JC - Thanks for giving us this time to fellowship with you on this sacramental day, it is rockin!!!

The Candidates as Real People

2004-11-04T15:49:00.000-06:00

I just read this article and found it quite interesting. Check it out!!

How Bush Did It

Who We Gonna Save? Part II

2004-10-25T22:23:00.000-05:00

For the beginning of this blog, check out the Daisy House webpage.

So, the dilema . . .

I have recently, along with Kim, found myself leading a group of high school girls called the Angels of the Holy Queen. We consecrate ourselves to Jesus through Mary. It is a wonderful group of girls. The thing is, there are not very many of us. Eventually, I would like to reach more.

Before, the focus of a group that I have helped lead has always been smaller. A church youth group with 20 kids in it. Before, I have never been "the" leader. Now, however, it seems to have fallen on me and Kim to be leaders. I love this! I am so excited about the fact that I get the chance to help these girls get closer to Jesus. But I am also overwhelmed by it. I teach at a school of 1,000 students. We have twenty girls come to Angels (on a good night). Some nights, we have less than ten.

For now, I love the small group. I love getting to know these girls on a personal level. (This is why I am not sure I am supposed to be a teacher but that is another blog for another time). The problem is, especially with girls, how do you get more girls involved without it becoming a clique? I hated (hate, to be more precise) groups that exclude themselves from others. I feel that that goes against everything I stand for as a Christian. Jesus said to "let the little children come unto me." The song goes, "red and yellow, black and white. They are precious in his sight . . ." But what about the popular girls and the band geeks (I was a band geek and reserve the right to use the title!) and the drama queens and the normal girls and the outsider girls? How do we, as Angels, not exclude any of these very special people? How do we involve all types of girls, not just the ultra-religious ones?

I know that I can't answer this question. But it makes my heart ache. I don't want anyone to feel left out!! Why do I have to be the eternal optimist that doesn't want anyone's feelings hurt? Why can't the popular girls and the non-popular girls just be friends, without the stupid popularity thing getting in the way. I don't understand!!

The True Essence of Cozy Days

2004-10-24T21:28:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, my housemates and I instituted "cozy days." They are days where we can truly just chill out on the Sabbath. The great thing about it is that my whole weekend felt like a weekend for once. I was not running all over doing crazy stuff, I was just hanging and it was great. Sure, I worked the football game on Friday, went to a haunted house with our parish youth group, made a house shirt, carved a pumpkin watched a couple movies, slept in, and assisted in chalking "Vote 'W' '04" on our driveway, but I really just chilled out and it was great!

I am really just writing this so I can look back in two weeks when things are crazy and remember how nice this weekend really was. But I thought I would share the joy of relaxing with all of you as well!!

Random Meetings

2004-10-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

So, I have to tell y'all a story. My roommates think I am hilarious (and I quite agree sometimes, check out our craziness on the little blue house blog!!) They thought that I should share this story with you
It all started on an early Sunday morning at the Kansas State Fair. Kim, Kristi and I were working the Kansans for Life booth. I was taking a break and walking around early in the morning before there were very many people there. I was headed down the aisle (extra credit for me, I used a usage word, sorry LMM) walking toward the concession stand.
There was an older man standing in the middle of the walkway. I had never seen him before but he looked like someone's grandfather. Anyhow, he stopped right in front of me and stuck out his arms halfway as if to say "Hey, can I have a hug."
Instead of turning the other way and dashing past him (which my roommates feel would have been the normal response) I gave him a quick but nice hug, then turned the other way and dashed off. I could not leave the nice little grandfather in the middle of the Kansas State Fair hugless, I just couldn't.
So, now I fear I have earned the reputation for giving hugs to people that I don't know. But I am all right with that:).

The Little Blue House. . .And other fun blog happenings!

2004-09-14T23:01:00.000-05:00

And next up, an update on Lisa's very fun blog.

Fun, new and exciting things have been happening at Random Ramblings (23).

1) I have a new commenting system where you don't have to sign in or even leave the blog page! All you have to do is type your comment. You may even be anonymous! (but I would much prefer you leave a name so I can know who you are:)

2) We have a fun new house blog page for your enjoyment. There is a link on the side of the page, or you can just click this link here:
http://www.daisyhouse.blogspot.com

3) On this fun new site, you can hear (or read) the new happenings of the Daisy House (if you want to find out about our name, read the blog!!). You also have a chance to meet my roomies, Kim and Kristi (fondly known as Kimmy and Kiki).

4) It is already Tuesday night and an 8th of the school year is over!!

that is all, I bid you good whatever timeitisthatyouarereadingthis.

Gifts

2004-09-10T11:12:00.000-05:00

Welcome back to my blog!! I finally have a chance to write. One of the gifts I have been given is DSL. I love technology. Of course, at the moment, I am coming to you live from the school I teach at but the point is that I could be emailing you from home.

God is so amazing!! He has given me so much. Here is my story . . .

Six months ago, I was lonley. I had a few friends in the great city of Wichita but not that good group that will help you and think like me that I had in college. So, I prayed. And I prayed some more. And one day I got invited to Bible Study and things happened!! (I know, prayer works, it's amazing!) Now, I have a new house, two wonderful, God-centered roommates to share it with, a good group of Catholic friends that will support me and help me out . And, I don't have time to even think about sitting down, much less the whole lonliness thing.

So I was thinking. If God will grant me these simple things, what kinds of amazing stuff does he have planned for the future? I am excited to find out!!

LMM - the story of my little man

2004-08-01T23:04:00.000-05:00

"This old man, he played one, he played nick-nack on my thumb"

Hold up, wait one minute! The subject is "little man" not "old man!" Who said the little man was old?

Here is the real story of the little man of Lisa's life.

My thoughts ramble. They go on and on and do not like to stop. They often like to go off into tangents. So, my friend Kristi, the great gal that she is, named my tangents.
"Lisa," she said, "It is like you have a little man in your head. He is trying to reach a destination ( the end of my story) but in the meantime, he gets sidetracked. So, here he is, walking the straight and narrow and all of a sudden . . . (the suspence builds) I remember something off the topic, but so totally related that it has to be in the story. Before I know it, the little man has veared off of the straight and narrow and gotten lost on a back road (much like my trip to Indiana, read previous blog).

And so the little man has to go back to the straigh and narrow, after half of his listeners have forgotten the beginning. The thing is, the little man gets lost an average of three times per story. It can be very breathtaking for him.

That my friends, is what has come to be known as a Little Man Moment (LMM). Those of you that have known me for ever know my rambling to be trademark of a "Lisa conversation."