Puddle Jumping and God

This week has been a stressful week. It could be the fact that school is out, that I am completely burnt out with teaching due to my amazing experience with summer school last year, meeting with a realtor for the first time ever, or just random life events that seem to preoccupy my mind. In any case, the week is over and I can be done with the worrying! That is an exciting prospect!

One good thing about this week, I found myself in the chapel a lot. Whether I made it to Mass on an abnormal day or just randomly made my way to see Jesus during my planning period, we had a lot of face time this week and that was really good. I didn't really find any peace though, sometimes my head works too much:).

Even though I wasn't finding that, "Ahhhhh, Jesus's got in all under control" feeling, I knew that he did anyway. It's kind of interesting. You know how you know something is true but you don't really want to believe it? I think that's how I've been the past week.

Last night this came to a front. I was annoyed with life and school and missing my Angels who are in Spring Sports. I ventured to my first ever swim meet to watch Lauren's last ever swim meet. It was actually pretty neat (as well as pretty humid). I got to talk to a bunch of my girls on the team and that was really good.

I walked out of Northwest to head to my car and it was raining softly (go figure, when has it not rained in the past month?). As I walked I heard people talking and looked up to see an entire rainbow and about 1/4 of another. It was comforting. The last time I saw a rainbow was about a year ago, while I was driving back from my sister's college graduation. A bunch of things were changing and I wasn't sure what God wanted me to do with my life and it was scary to trust him. I took that rainbow as a sign that, "Yes, Lisa, I really am in control!"

So last night, it seemed as more of the same message. "Yep, a year later I am still here. I love you and I have a plan for you (really, I do, you don't need to go look for it or worry about it!)." And I heard this (or saw it, I guess) and I attempted to convince myself that it's message is true.

And then came the puddles. I was never one to jump in puddles or make mudpies or anything of the sort. But if you ever want to, the Northwest parking lot is a great place to find some big ones! I started off a little damp at the ankles. By the time I made it around my car once or twice, the entire back end of my jeans was soaked. I would have sung a little, "Singin' in the Rain," (ok, i did, to myself) if there hadn't been the fear of people around (i.e. lady getting out of her car next to where I was galavanting in the parking lot.

Needless to say, it is finally the weekend, things are looking up (in more ways than one), and hopefully, Lisa will trust that God has all her puddle jumping planned out!

Legend of the $30 Cart

I went to Wally World yesturday because I was in need of essentials. For some reason the essentials included one queen sized sheet, some hair gel and milk (the last one really is needed).

I walked into the world of consumer bliss (and much credit card debt) and got a cart from one of the ladies who was leaving. (LMM - did you know that Dillons now has sanitary wipes for the handle of the cart so you can be free of germs (of which I typed girls - funny slip of the finger there)) As she handed of the cart, I asked it the cart was a good one. She replied, "Yes, it only spends $30!"

"Hmmmmm," I thought to myself as I commenced with remembering the things I needed to get and went about my shopping. I pondered buying a new CD - Michael Buble (or however the heck you spell his name) was sounding awfully tempting. But I went past the CD's, past the shoes aisle, past the baby clothing (that's a hard one now-a-days with cute kids running amuck!) and on to what I needed, not really worrying about the $30 deal.

But, when I got to the cashier, she rang me up. I spent $30.48! It worked! I threatened the cashier with marking the cart and shoving people over the next time I came in. I figure if I tag it, no one will want it. But alas, the cart has been on it's own at the Wal-Mart for more than 24 hours. It may never be found again. It will remain, however, a legend on my blog - the legend of the $30 (and 48 cent) cart!

Sidenote - Aubrey and I switched two of our students in 7th hour today - it made the last hour quite interesting and amusing:)

Normal?

As I drove to the East side with Kimmy last night, we had a conversation about normalcy. OK, maybe we didn't actually talk about it. But I was thinking about it!

LMM - See Kimmy in the white Tshirt - she's our Meteorologist hero, it's her first tornado!


See, I am not sure what is normal these days. It seems that, without my knowledge, things have changed and can never be reversed. I am excited about these changes but also a bit scared. I promised myself after last fall that I would prep myself for the next set of changes.

I've been attempting to do so for the past few months, then school gets in the way and I get busy and forget about all else happening. Or, one of the fun new changes (this baby or that baby or neat people hanging out with me:) seems to consume all of my time and I forget about all the changes that I may one day find sad.

This Sunday was Good Shepherd Sunday, a Sunday that will always remind me of Sojourn 2006, our being corralled to Christ and the amazing experience of Andrew and Kristi's wedding. I sat in the pew listening to Fr. Schukman speak of the Good Shepherd and Him leading his flock of lambs. Fr. talked about how when you get sheep together they are very easy to herd. If you only get one or two, though, they will freak out and be completely lost.

I don't feel lost, persay, just a bit bewildered. So many changes are coming my way. Friends are adjusting to married life and parenthood. Kim is getting ready to enter the convent. Jose is moving to Denver to persue his Master's degree. I am moving out on my own (somewhere:). How does one prep oneself for the unknown? I like to imagine things. I once wrote that I need to have a "joyful imagination." It's scary, though, wondering if things will live up to those joyful expectations. And how is that really prepping myself. I am excited for the changes, in a way. I've known they were coming and I know that they will be good. And in addition to the "joyful imagination," I have somewhat of a sense of joyful anticipation for what will happen.

I'm having my student's write about their dreams and goals. I had them write ten year goals. It was interesting to see where they thought they would be - I'm a little older than 10 years older. I am definitely not where I imagined I would be. Even so, where I am is a good place to be!

A thought on unrequited love

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind." Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!"
~ Iris in The Holiday

I often wonder about this concept of unrequited love. Mostly because it seems to happen to girls. Ok, really I am talking about myself. This is not a new thing. It makes me sad to think how often this happens. As girls, we long for the prince in shining armor to save us on a white horse, to do the persuing that is supposed to happen, to unveil us as true beauties and fall in love with us. But we worry so much that this will never ever happen.

I think it has a lot to do with our self esteem. In The Holiday, there is the cute old man who Iris meets (I think every girly movie needs cute old men, just look at the quartet in Return to Me!). He says to her, "Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend."

Now, I think there are different kinds of self esteem. A girl (i.e. me) can be completely confident in the workplace or the classroom or in front of peers. But one must have a different kind of self esteem with members of the opposite sex. So many women automatically place themselves in the "best friend category" without even allowing themselves to think that they would ever be a leading lady.

How sad is that? We put ourselves down thinking, "Why would anyone ever love me?" And we automatically think that we are handicapped, that we aren't good enough for the love of another person.

It is sad, yes.

But how many of us do this with God? How many of us think, "God could never love me, God can never forgive me for what I've done or want me to be happy." My friend Joe was explaining it like this (he took it from Fr. Lanzrath - so there you go!): We are all like cups. God's grace is like a pitcher of never ending water, continually pouring into our cup. No matter what we do, His Grace is always open to us. We may cut it off by our actions (mortal sin being a big one, but I think we can also just choose not to accept His grace). We can turn our cups over and not be open to Christ's grace. But even if we do, His love is still there for us, wanting and desiring to overflow into our lives. How amazing a kind of love that is!

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,How can it be?
That You, my King would die for me?
Amazing love,I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honour You,
In all I do, I honour You.
- Chris Tomlin

Father - In this Holy Week, please help us to allow your merciful grace to flow into our lives - Your love is amazing, help me to accept your love with joy.

It's hard letting God do His job!

If you know me at all, you know that I'm a single, Catholic, fun loving girl with some pretty big dreams. I want to get married and have kids and have a white picket fence with a cat and a dog. Actually, skip the fence - give me a back porch with a porch swing and some twinkle lights. There - that's the picture. I want more than that too. I want to write Catholic young adult novels someday and be a good role model for young women who are trying to find a place in the world.

There's the thing; a place in the world. Ariel sang about it in the Little Mermaid. It made Michael W. Smith's mid 90's album that I played again and again in our kitchen while I was doing the dishes. I want a place in this world where all can say - yep, there's Lisa's place! Right there - doesn't she look great in it?!

The fact that I'm still looking for this place makes it seem as though it doesn't exist. This is not true. There is a place for me; at school, with my family, with my friends, at Church (even though I keep forgetting when I am supposed to lector!) There is definitely a place that screams out - HERE'S LISA'S PLACE - no one can fit it but me! So why doesn't this seem like enough? Why am I not satisfied to be the best me I can be? Instead, it seems like I am ever looking forward to what I will be, what things will be like someday.

I've been reading a book titled, Captivating: Unveiling the Mysteries of a Woman's Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge (same guy that wrote Wild at Heart). They talk about how there are different desires in our hearts.

The desires of a man's heart are:

1. A Battle to Fight - think cops and robbers, Braveheart, Gladiator, Top Gun - the list could go on
2. A Longing for Adventure - something that requires a test that will discover if they have what it takes
3. A Beauty to Rescue - think about it - they have to find someone to fight for

The desires of a woman's heart echo in return those of a man's:

1. To be Romanced - girls long for romance, to be seen and desired, to be sought after and fought for
2. An Irreplaceable Role in a Great Adventure - not just sweet, barefoot and pregnant women - we long to have a role in an adventure that is shared - adventure that requires something of us for others - think Arwen and Eowyn
3. To be Unveiled as a Beauty - Ah, to have a man say that I look beautiful - or even just stop suddenly in surprise at how great I look on any given day:)

Ok - so I blatantly stole these desires, how do they fit? I'm trying to find the perfect "Lisa" space in which to be the best me. While doing so, I have desires for romance, adventure and beauty. In my head, this LMM leads me back to the "relationships in my head" discussion of years gone by (ok, maybe two).

The Church says that we are a Body of Christ, that none of us are alone in this search for a relationship with God. And I know that this relationship with God is the most important one of my life. I also know that as wonderful as that is - I need some flesh and bone here. I need someone to hold my hand - not just imagining that Jesus is saying "Lisa, it'll be OK," but somebody who will kiss my forehead and hold me as I cry all the loneliness out. I know he won't be able to take care of it, but together we can take it to the One who can.

Everybody always says that you have to be comfortable being single before you meet your "one." My struggle is this - how can I be OK being single? I'm all by myself. What happened to this Body of Christ deal in this mix?

I guess what I'm attempting to spill onto the vast internet is this - Somewhere inside I hear the "For I know the plans I have for you." Can someone tell it to my heart and then my head? Then maybe relationships in the real world can take precedence over the ones in my head!

It's hard letting God do His job!

I really need to post!

I really need to post. I really need to post. Hi-Ho The Dairio, I really need to post!

One of my students was taking a test after school today and I burst into random songage about not wanting to do any of my work.

See, I miss the fact that I don't miss blogging. I don't know if it had to do with being around Keeks 24/7 . . . or just the fact that my living arrangments have been a bit different this year. Hmmmm. . .

I have had ideas, interesting ones actually; about listening to people cheer (especially at bowling meets - it makes me laugh but is also highly enjoyable). And there were other ideas too. I just don't know where they went.

But I try not to spend too much time at home. And when I'm here I want to chill out. Or my computer is being dumb - there's got to be some reason why if I download Service Pack 2 from Windows that my modem stops working . . . I just haven't figured out what it was.

Here's a little bit of LMM to tide you over, or at least make my page more interesting. Or at least fresh . . .

Old Photos

I just got to my parent's house this evening for Thanksgiving break. My mom has the usual in a pile in "my" room, random newspaper clippings of people from high school that are married or engaged, more random things that she is saving for me in case I need them, something that my dad wants me to like even though I don't. All this and an envelope addressed to me from one of my best friend from high school's moms.

Is it sad that I automatically knew that 11 years ago I must have left the 6th grade yearbook at her house from a sleepover that my friends had? I vaguely remember wanting to see how those oh so attractive high school boys had looked like when we were in middle school.

As I looked through the yearbook a lot of things hit me: "Man, look at that hair," "I thought those teachers were so cool!" along with much other randomness. What amazed me, however, was the emotion that clenched at my heart when I saw some of those faces: That boy was so-o-o-o-o cute!, Oh, yeah - that girl was really sweet - we had that one class together where we did that one project. Oooohhh! That's the girl I was best friends with that one year. All of these seem to be normal reactions to a middle school yearbook.

The one that got me was the "Mean Girls." I know that the whole Lindsay Lohan flick was satirical. But I looked at some of those girls and my emotions went - ick - she was MEAN! There was that girl that I got into my one and only girl fight with (I liked her boyfriend (a lot), he didn't like me, he was dating her, they both fit into that "bad kid" persona and then there was nice little Lisa)(She ended up pulling my hair or something by the 6B hallway when our class was moving for something. All I remember is a lot of hairpulling (I wonder if I pulled her bangs - this was back in the day when they were sprayed 7 inches on top of your head . . . hmmm)

I thought it very interesting that I still remember the "mean girls" of my middle school - they seemed so vicious back then. I wonder if they were . . .

The In Between Times

In Lisa’s Philosophy of Life, there are many different thoughts. Some are profound, some are weird. But they all make me think. And here’s what I’ve been thinking.

In life’s journey we have these “between times,” a stage of life when we are between one ending and a beginning. These times may be looked forward to times of growing in our lives but as far as I’m concerned they usually pretty much stink. Example:

When I graduated from high school I was so excited about all the things that come with being an adult; going to college, living in a community life, making new friends, deciding which classes I was going to take. But there was a period in there for about 6 months when life sucked. I went to community college and had to watch all my friends go off to college while I stayed in my parents’ house, drove 45 minutes to and from school everyday and stayed at the same job I had in high school. After those six months I started making my niche in the world of community college and was as happy as a bee.

Same happened when I transferred colleges. It took about six months of being on campus to figure out what was going on. And such with other major changes in my life like graduating from college and moving out on my own in a new city. These times are my in between times.

That’s where I am right now; an in between stage. One of the hardest things about this one is that I didn’t see it coming. Granted, even if they are coming and I know it I avoid thinking about it (just as my parents about how much I had packed up my room the day I graduated from college).

In the past, when I have hit one of these “in betweens I’ve known what to look forward to, as well as recognizing that I was leaving something behind. The thing that is so scary about this one is that not only did I not see it coming (pretty much completely blind-sighted) I have no idea what to look forward to and how to be hopeful about it. When you get to college you know that you’ll eventually find someone who really is that close friend. When you graduate you have the thrill of moving out getting your own place, paying your own bills and all that comes with that.

Now, I have moved out of my dream house – an opportunity to live with my best friends and help to forge a community that supported each other through many things. I’ve accomplished all those dreams that I seem to have control over. My “Lisa Plan” is at a standstill. You know, the plan to graduate with an education degree, teach English while living in a house with some really amazing Catholic girls, have lots of friends plan. The next step of the “Lisa Plan” is to get married, have many babies, be an excellent mom and write a book someday. I’m thinking I need to come up with some new goals (or start writing that book, I guess, would be good too). I just wish I had some clue about what this in between time was prepping me for.

Up and at em!!

My dad thought it would be a great idea to install Windows XP on my computer - and now it's really pretty. It did, however, take me a while to figure out how to install my wireless card. But I figured it out (who would have known that unplugging a device would assist in the instillation? . . .).

Now, I have access to the internet on my very own computer! It feels like it's been years. How very dependent I am on technological communication.

To catch you up, in my absence I have:
- bought a new car - really cute one too! Pontiac Grand Prix - she still needs a name . . .
- bought an aquarium for my classroom. I have five fish, Jem & Scout (Jem's in his sullen stage and keeps hiding behind the mountain) and 3 little pink girls named Bianca, Kate and Julie - Shakespeare anyone?
- did a complete cleaning of the duplex - yes, Kristi, I even washed the bathroom floor - aren't you proud?

I'm sure lots of other things happened but that's all I got for now! I must go continue cleaning - more dusting-ish type stuff and decluttering. The piles are horrendous.

Too Depressing . . .

If you couldn't tell, Amarillo has just been too depressing to think about much less blog out the entirety of my 4 1/2 hour stay in what is now my least favorite city in the former country of Texas - where everything is big, including the amount of time you have to wait for the Greyhound.

Come to think of it, the past few months of my life would make a great country song. With a twist - My car died (not my dog), the only guy semi interested lives in PA and apparently I didn't measure up to his standards on the "phone interview" - didn't really seem like a phone call. What else . . . I live with a little white dog who doesn't mean to cause any harm. Oh, yeah, my car's lights keep going out. First a headlight that the guy changed for free for me at the Wally World, then a tail light that was fixed by the husbands. Not my husbands, mind you, but my guy friends (most of whom seem to be married to my friends by now) kindly helped me fix in a dark driveway. Oh, and I lost my cell phone. . .

But - the reason this post sounds cheerful is not because of all of that . . . it's because things are looking up. My aunt and uncle were my saviors tonight. They gave me one of their old phones to use. And, I went to target and found pillowcases to match the sheets I bought in February. And, when I got home Marianna said that they found my cell phone!! I don't have to plug all 130+ numbers into a new phone!! Yeay!!

For those of you wondering . . . maybe someday I will share the end of my crazy adventure of a Greyhound bus trip. For now, however, just be glad that you can't say you spent 4 1/2 hours stuck in an ugly bus station w/ a black lady fondly named "Grandma," a semi doped up middle aged woman wanting desperately to see her kids and a couple of hoodlem smoker guys along with the 14 yr old kid that reminded you of your friend's little brother.

Thank you, God for normal 14 year old kids.

I wonder if he smokes pot on the side . . .

My Summer Vacation Part II: The Bus

Notice: The writing of this post tells the world that I am a naive lower middle class snob who is afraid of weird people. This might not follow my feelings at all times, but it was true for this bus ride!

I have always looked at alternative forms of transportation as exciting new things to experience. I remember my first train ride. Our Girl Scout Troop rode from KC to Columbia and we thought it was a blast. My first train ride in Europe was really neat too, looking at the countryside of Italy.

Greyhound sounded like an adventure. A somewhat creepy adventure, but an adventure nontheless.

On the way to the bus stop I was sitting in the back of my grandparents' truck and I saw a rainbow. I thought to myself, "All right, Lisa, you can do this, God has promised to never leave you." And boy am I glad.

We ended up waiting for the bus for an hour, it was late. It was my grandparent's, a 50some year old nurse who lives in New Mexico and rides the bus to Dallas every two weeks to be a nurse who seemed fairly normal, and this guy. He meandered into the bus station looking a little tired. He had shoulder length crazy hair, an unkept beard, a backpack that looked as if it held all he owned in the world and was wearing a pair of shorts that just wouldn't stay up, an old rock band tshirt and a pair of crocs so worn there was a hole in the bottom. Today's hippie to the extreme! We found out that he was born in Guam and that his parent's lived there but were not involved in the military. He said it all creepy like they were in the mob or selling dope or something.

I finally boarded the bus which is almost completely first. My grandma told me to sit as near the front as possible. I didn't see any seats (but nurse lady got one right behind the bus driver - how did she see it when I missed it?) Scary hippy man sat next to this little girl who looked really nice and I felt kind of bad for her - I would not have wanted to sit with him! I kept going on the bus and toward the back I found a seat next to a younger Black woman. (in trying to be PC in my completely nonPC post, that's what I hear we're supposed to call them). She was a bit bigger but didn't look as scary as the punk guys sitting in front of her (one of whom turned out to be a girl I was astonished to find at a bathroom stop) who were wearing all black as well as spiky earings. I settled down beside "B" (I never actually learned her name but her ticket had a name that started with "B" and tried to sleep. Being the Catholic girl that I am, I started praying a Rosary - the 20 decade kind.

Things were all good until we got to Amarillo. Amarillo by Morning. Amarillo where I had to switch buses. Amarillo, the bus station that hasn't been redecorated since the 50's and the silk flowers that deck the vanities (yeah, the furniture kind with the big mirror and drawers) haven't been dusted since at least twice that long. Amarillo, the bus station right by the Bail Bond office in downtown! Just wait and see!!

My Summer Vacation Part 1: An Unlikely Angel

I would never have thought that a little old marine could be an angel. But I think I met one last week.

Imagine a hot day. It's 100+ degrees out (I know, not hard to imagine with this weather)and you are on your way to Grandma's house. You've been looking forward to a week of good eating, sitting on the porch and playing with a yappy (albeit cute - yes Nate, I probably spelled that wrong:) dog. You're less then 20 minutes from "home" as Grandma's house is known to be when you live there that week in the summer. And your beloved 1995 Ford Contour overheats on the side of the road.

Ok, ok, yep - that's the beginning of my tale. I waited for a while to see if the engine would cool down - seriously, I just got it checked out before I left. I made a few phone calls. And I headed back out on the road.

About 10 minutes later, after rolling the windows down and running the heater - supposedly it's supposed to blow cool air on your engine? I was stuck once again. I pulled off on the side of the road and got on my phone. Cell phones are my friend, let me tell you.

I hadn't been there very long when an old Jeep pulled up. "Please, God, don't let this be some scary man!!" was my prayer. And he wasn't. He was, however, a short little man with weathered skin and a WWII US Marine Corps hat on. He didn't seem as scary as he could be and he took a look at my car. We decided to have my grandparents come pick me up (I'd already been talking to them). And I got to talking to my angel. His biker son and his biker wife pulled over to make sure we were OK. He told me a couple of war stories and offered me a cigarette. "I wouldn't want to leave my wife or daughter here by themselves, who knows what scary (place racist name for illegal immigrants here) are running around. I smiled as best I could and said, "Thanks, would you mind sticking around for a while? I have some water in the car." He stayed. He smoked. He calmed my nerves - you can't really freak out in the middle of the open 100 degree road with a very old Marine looking after you now, can you? And he was my unlikely Angel.

Stay tuned for some more of Lisa's summer vacation!!!
Look out for mechanics, mullets and many marauding (word starting with "M" that means people) making their way to multiple destinations stranded in Amarillo, TX.

Now school might not be so bad!!

Too fast

My summer time is slipping away oh so quickly!! Soon my life will be planning and grading and planning and grading. And talking. A lot. Everyday. And being grammatically correct while I do so. Ick.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching. I also love the summer and staying up as late as I want to and getting up whenever I feel like it. I like the lazy evenings sitting around and talking to friends. The thing is, however, since it has actually been my summertime (for the past month) I haven't done much of the sitting around with friends. I've had a lot of Lisa time. And I've been doing lots of stuff. But I haven't chilled so much as I would like to.

I went to the Cathedral for Mass on Tuesday. On the way home I had to take a detour (Kellogg was once again closed). I ended up stopping by Kathy's and having an amazing talk with her, then going by Erin's to grab a couple hugs and chat while she did her laundry. It was such a great afternoon!

I was home for the past two days and my mom and I found a karaoke on demand channel on their cable. I think we spent about two hours jamming together singing all the songs that we knew (or at least thought we knew). IT was great. Neither one of us has a clue as to much of how "You are the Sunshine of My Life" by Stevie Wonder goes. But we had a rocking version of "Monday Monday" by the Mommas and Pappas!! The cat just looked at us like we were out of our minds:)

I'm leaving to see my grandparents in CO on Sunday - I'm so excited! I'm not that excited about getting back. I have to start being a real person with a real job again!! Ah, well. I get to be a mentor for our new English teacher and that is pretty exciting!!

Two years and a Month

My blog has been around for two years and a month! And, as I read back over the entries (as I have been doing for the past half hour, I realize that I need to go make the bread for dinner so that it's ready when we eat it. . . so after Marianna has made bread and I looked for a stray packet of yeast, we have some kneading going on). Oh, yeah, sentence. As I read over my entries, I am struck once again by how much I have changed in the past two years.

I went from having very few friends to having a multitude of really great friendships. I went from being a 1st year teacher to approaching my fourth year of teaching. I have gone from being not really sure who I was, to having a pretty good handle of who I am and what makes me click. At least I think so anyway.

Jose's words of wisdom were once "You know, Lisa, you won't be a Daisy Girl forever." At the time, last December, my life was a little up in the air and his words freaked me out more than a little. Who wanted to take away my house and my girls and my sense of being? I had applied to teach overseas. My roommate was getting married, we didn't know what was going to happen to the Daisy House and I thought for a while I was called to be a nun. Oh, the drama that insues during our lives.

Now it's July. And I live in a really cute duplex with my friend Marianna. I made it through teaching summer school and the world is looking like a nice place to be. I don't feel the need to be searching for something new. I found out that I am not supposed to be a nun, even though their lives never cease to amaze me. I don't need anything for our duplex - although a really comfy reading chair in a sage green that is reasonably inexpensive would be nice. I am starting to get excited about school - even though I haven't been out for that long:). And the fact that there is no boy right now is all right with me. That kind of weirds me out, however. I'd like there to be a boy. A man, really, who I'll get to have kids with someday (speaking of kids, I had a dream where I was 9 months pregnant and playing with the babies feet inside my tummy - should this weird me out?). But for right now, he's not here and that's ok.

I guess it's a feeling of contentment. Not completely, of course, but enough to want to sit back and enjoy life for a while. And enjoy some Lois and Clark while I'm at it - that was such a great show!!

This doesn't seem to be much of the late anniversary post that it should, but it is what it is and I'm all right with that:)

Late Lisa

Alas, once again the hecticness of June - why is it always thus? - has made me miss my blog-aversary!! So sad . . . tear. I will however, post a late blogaversary blog in honor of the occassion very soon!

Bittersweet

I started this post last week but the craziness off life and TEC and family overwhelmed me for a few days. I still, however, wanted to post it:)

~

That is how I feel. It hasn't completely sunk in that the Daisy House is no longer ours - I think because I don't want it to. So I am deciding - as of this moment - not to make it a big deal. This is advise I got over a year ago from a wise and caring friend at a moment that was a teansy bit ackward. "Don't let it be a big deal." So this is what I will try with my house. I don't think the whole - I'll stay up as late as possible and make myself as exhasted as possible so I'll fall asleep will work forever.

~

About a week later, it's still a little weird - I can't tell whether living at the SLC for three days was a help or hinderance to feeling at home in our new place. I still, however, picture Kim at home at our house cleaning the kitchen or in my room planning Steubenville stuff. Sad day . . . and yet I think I can find peace with it, at least with the help of my friends and Daisy Girls:)

On much less sappy note, we are having a housewarming party tomorrow at the duplex - dubbed L&M's (Lisa and Marianna's) and you all should come!!

On the Highway of Life

Dumb Internet quiz that I found humerous for some reason . . .

Every person is at a different point on a different highway of life. Where are you?
As we cruise down the highway of life we come across many metaphorical destinations, some good some bad. Our individual personalities lead us all down a different path. Let this magical personality test tell you where you are headed! Just punch in your name and soon you will be rolling past the roadsign of your life. Don't forget to drive carefully! What are the towns on your highway? Be sure to drop in and visit them all, because life is a journey that we should all cherish. Peace!

His Daisy Girl Highway
Bog of Eternal Marriage 8
Family Farm 16
Hobotown 46
Tower of Commitment 113
Childbirth Hospital 482
Please Drive Carefully

Promises

I got home from Angels last night and was chilling out watching some Everwood. After watching the greatness that was the series finale, I looked up the DVD at Wal-mart and bought the bargain that was $19.95. I think that, at least in my world, DVD'd TV shows are much cheaper than paying for cable. Besides that, I don't have to worry about missing anything!

But, I'm off on an LMM before I start! The episode I watched last night is called "Snow Job" - not as in the Italian job or the job that I am going to be done with in only 3 school days, but as in Job of the Bible that lost everything.

It was interesting, because before I watched it I read a journal entry that I wrote this spring about the promises God has made to me. He guarantees some pretty rocking stuff. Sometimes it seems too good to be true. But sometimes the promise of things to come seems to be the only thing that gets us through . . . the promise that summer school really will be over on Wednesday when all my kids get done with their presentations, the promise that though the Daisy House will be a memory in a week I really will still have friends, the promise of someday when I get to be grown up and be a mommy and have a family.

Ok, so I didn't mean for this to be sentimental and sad. Ok, realistically maybe I did.

So what does this mean? On Wednesday I will be done teaching summer school!! On Thursday I will spend my last night in my Daisy House. On Friday I will pray our last DH rosary in our Daisy House living room. But also on Friday Marianna and I will spend our first night (ok, my first night) at the duplex. And then, I might actually get to start my summer vacation!

Speaking of which, we need to do something neat for the 4th of July - I need to see some fireworks!!

Friends

I was at a friend's wedding last night. The only reason I know Ben at all is because my friends are friends with him - you know how that works. We talk when we see each other but we wouldn't ever call and make plans to hang out.

Aside from my two best friends from college that came down for the wedding, all of the people that I knew yesturday fit into that category. I had a blast hanging out with them. I heard college stories that I'd never heard. (LMM - Sarah and I called ourselves "floaters" in college because we didn't really have "our" group. We were both transfer students who never found just one group of people to hang out with, we hung out with whoever we saw first or in someone's room. Hanging out with people was a very sporadic thing.) Add all this to the fact that I got to be a super senior in college and, after a few of my groups graduated with "my" class of 2002, I hung out with members of the class of 2003 (my actual graduating class) . . . end of LMM).

Sometimes this whole group hopping thing isn't all it cracks up to be. I don't necessarily get invited to that many things from college. But, it seems that there are just certain times when I hang with people and it all seems right and peaceful. I got that opportunity last night. I saw people I haven't seen since college or other weddings/Homecomings/random other events when you see people. I found out that my friend Kandace actually lives in town, about 10 minutes away from me - and has for the past year. I heard stories and told stories and drank and laughed.

And it was peaceful. I guess that's the thing I wasn't really expecting. I had a crappy day at work yesturday and it was amazing to get to "be" with people that I don't normally get to hang out with. It was, with all the hecticness of moving out in 3 weeks, stupid job stuff and other volunteer stuff that just keeps coming, a very nice evening.

I just have to say

that I know it annoys some of you when you put the beginning part of the sentence in the title and the rest in the body of the blog.

But I really wanted to blog that there are only 16 days left of summer school! And friends, I am excited.