Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Old Photos

I just got to my parent's house this evening for Thanksgiving break. My mom has the usual in a pile in "my" room, random newspaper clippings of people from high school that are married or engaged, more random things that she is saving for me in case I need them, something that my dad wants me to like even though I don't. All this and an envelope addressed to me from one of my best friend from high school's moms.

Is it sad that I automatically knew that 11 years ago I must have left the 6th grade yearbook at her house from a sleepover that my friends had? I vaguely remember wanting to see how those oh so attractive high school boys had looked like when we were in middle school.

As I looked through the yearbook a lot of things hit me: "Man, look at that hair," "I thought those teachers were so cool!" along with much other randomness. What amazed me, however, was the emotion that clenched at my heart when I saw some of those faces: That boy was so-o-o-o-o cute!, Oh, yeah - that girl was really sweet - we had that one class together where we did that one project. Oooohhh! That's the girl I was best friends with that one year. All of these seem to be normal reactions to a middle school yearbook.

The one that got me was the "Mean Girls." I know that the whole Lindsay Lohan flick was satirical. But I looked at some of those girls and my emotions went - ick - she was MEAN! There was that girl that I got into my one and only girl fight with (I liked her boyfriend (a lot), he didn't like me, he was dating her, they both fit into that "bad kid" persona and then there was nice little Lisa)(She ended up pulling my hair or something by the 6B hallway when our class was moving for something. All I remember is a lot of hairpulling (I wonder if I pulled her bangs - this was back in the day when they were sprayed 7 inches on top of your head . . . hmmm)

I thought it very interesting that I still remember the "mean girls" of my middle school - they seemed so vicious back then. I wonder if they were . . .

Monday, November 13, 2006

The In Between Times

In Lisa’s Philosophy of Life, there are many different thoughts. Some are profound, some are weird. But they all make me think. And here’s what I’ve been thinking.

In life’s journey we have these “between times,” a stage of life when we are between one ending and a beginning. These times may be looked forward to times of growing in our lives but as far as I’m concerned they usually pretty much stink. Example:

When I graduated from high school I was so excited about all the things that come with being an adult; going to college, living in a community life, making new friends, deciding which classes I was going to take. But there was a period in there for about 6 months when life sucked. I went to community college and had to watch all my friends go off to college while I stayed in my parents’ house, drove 45 minutes to and from school everyday and stayed at the same job I had in high school. After those six months I started making my niche in the world of community college and was as happy as a bee.

Same happened when I transferred colleges. It took about six months of being on campus to figure out what was going on. And such with other major changes in my life like graduating from college and moving out on my own in a new city. These times are my in between times.

That’s where I am right now; an in between stage. One of the hardest things about this one is that I didn’t see it coming. Granted, even if they are coming and I know it I avoid thinking about it (just as my parents about how much I had packed up my room the day I graduated from college).

In the past, when I have hit one of these “in betweens I’ve known what to look forward to, as well as recognizing that I was leaving something behind. The thing that is so scary about this one is that not only did I not see it coming (pretty much completely blind-sighted) I have no idea what to look forward to and how to be hopeful about it. When you get to college you know that you’ll eventually find someone who really is that close friend. When you graduate you have the thrill of moving out getting your own place, paying your own bills and all that comes with that.

Now, I have moved out of my dream house – an opportunity to live with my best friends and help to forge a community that supported each other through many things. I’ve accomplished all those dreams that I seem to have control over. My “Lisa Plan” is at a standstill. You know, the plan to graduate with an education degree, teach English while living in a house with some really amazing Catholic girls, have lots of friends plan. The next step of the “Lisa Plan” is to get married, have many babies, be an excellent mom and write a book someday. I’m thinking I need to come up with some new goals (or start writing that book, I guess, would be good too). I just wish I had some clue about what this in between time was prepping me for.