Wednesday, November 17, 2004

"I found myself in college . . .

. . . then I moved to the real world and lost myself again." - Kiki

My roommate and I were discussing life issues the other day when she put into words what I have been feeling for the past year. I feel lost some days. By my senior year of college, I loved myself. I knew what I liked and disliked, I knew how to change what I didn't like and knew what not to mess with. I liked being "me" and I knew exactly who "me" was. It was great.

Since then, I moved to a brand new city where I only knew a handful of people (from my college of app. 800 where I knew, or knew of, everyone). And although I still know "me" and love being "me," it seems harder for that me to come out of my "me" shell.

This seems to happen every time that I move on. In high school, I thought I knew "me." I knew which people were my friends, I became what my friend Sarah and I call "a floater" when my best friends had a huge semester long fight, and I was happy being Lisa. Then, when all these friends went off to college and I was at home driving an hour and a half back and forth to the local community college, it took me a while, but I found my crowd and we were happy.

When I transfered colleges, it took me about a year to find my niche. The year was hard and full of tears, but eventually I found the me that had been emerging for a while. And it was great. I was finally around Catholics that loved their faith as much as I did. I learned how to live that aspect of my faith (before, I had been surrounded by Christians who were amazing, but something was lacking). I developed a greater zeal for the Mass and relying on my Heavenly Father and Mary as my mother. Through all of this, I became what it seemed I had been trying to become for quite some time. And I was happy.

Since moving to Wichita, I have lost some of the things that I attribute to be "Lisa things." I call myself an "introverted extrovert." I love being around people and being a leader. It is something that drives me and makes me happy. The thing is, I have to get over the introverted, "I am scared to get involved" mode that dominates new things for me. I have got to get in there and do something. To let Wichita know that I know myself, I like myself and I want to get involved!!

Now, I just have to act . . . why is that the hard part?

Monday, November 15, 2004

A Case of the Mondays

I finally bought "Office Space" the other day! I am very excited. I love the beginning when they are stuck in traffic . . . and the fact that Michael Bolton looks like my friend JP that I have not seen for years . . . Where are you man?

Tonight, it feels as if I am having a case of the mondays. But see, school was just fine (except for the tired part, I think the waking up at 5 am to get Rascal Flatts tickets finally sunk in around 5th hour today). But seriously, I just feel blah.

I miss my family like none other. I don't know how I could live very far away from them. This whole three hour thing seems really hard some days!! This brings up my other dilemma.

So, I gave living in Wichita two years when I moved here. This was a kindof unconditioned, unplanned response. But I figured that the first year always stinks, especially in a new place. I want at least two years to figure out this whole grown up thing before I think about moving.

Well, I am in the middle of a second year. I have got things going pretty well in the whole "having a clue what it takes to be a teacher" department. I think that I am doing fairly well. So know, what do I do? Do I move to Kansas City where, although I do know a lot of people, I don't know very many very well. And then I would have to get in with a new English department and that kindof stinks. And possibly teach all new books (that would really stink). But the thought of moving on is also very exciting.

I don't know. This is at the beginning stages of praying and planning. And all in all, maybe it is a case of the Mondays.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Keep Holy the Sabbath

In high school, I was always annoyed that my mom would never go shopping or anything on Sunday. Now, however, I realize that she was attempting to give us some time off of the real world.

I was never a "no work on Sundays" type gal till college. Taking a day off of studying seemed like a great idea. There were some great Sundays too. Hanging out watching Pappa's Angels with my suitemates in the 1st Atchison Benedictine Abbot's room (hurray for Abbot Innocent Wolf!!) and taking long walks to the abby pond with random people (LMM - one time my friend Jeff Block and I (he was great, I miss him) walked down to "Lake Angelas" only to find freshman boys swimming in the pond (quite scary, let me tell you, plus they were loud and it ruined the quiet, out in the country feel of the afternoon (with the exeption of being able to hear the train pass)). But I digress . . . a lot . . .

The girls of the Daisy House have instituted "Cozy Days" for the sole purpose of chillin' out on Sundays with our friends. Let me tell you. This makes my weekends feel like mini vacations. It is so nice to be able to play cards or carve pumpkins or bake goodies for my friends. It is all that stuff that I never have time to do during the week that I get time for on our Sundays.

So, I just wanted to give a shout out to the big JC - Thanks for giving us this time to fellowship with you on this sacramental day, it is rockin!!!

Thursday, November 04, 2004

The Candidates as Real People

I just read this article and found it quite interesting. Check it out!!

How Bush Did It