So, we've all heard the phrase, "You're preaching to the choir." The past day or so, however, I feel like I've been preaching to myself.
I've been teaching my students about the book "EPIC" by John Eldredge (the same guy who wrote Wild at Heart and co-wrote Captivating - both of which I blogged about earlier this year). In this book, Eldredge says that he thinks that all of our lives are a part of this huge story, this epic, that encompasses all of salvation history. The evil that we fight everyday is the devil, the good that we choose is God - and our conflict is the choice between the two - which do we choose - the good or the bad? Ok, so I know that all life isn't that cut and dry. But that's not really where I'm headed with this.
The idea is that if all our lives are a part of this greater story, eventually the story will have a happy ending. And therein lies my issue. It's not that I don't believe in this happy ending - I'm a hopeless romantic am I not? I think it goes back to my whole trust issue - knowing that although I'm not experiencing the happily ever after right now, that it is coming someday (even if that's not till I get to heaven).
I'm trying to make this year (and the transitions of the summer - Kimmy joining the convent, Jose at grad school, not talking to boys that I'd really like to be talking to, living by myself (yeah!) in a cute duplex that I don't have to worry about maintenance and new windows but without a cat (boo!), welcoming new members of my extended friend family - including my new godson Wyatt Christopher) a little bit less dramatic then my fall was last year. (apologies for the really long run on sentence where I'm sure I lost track of where parenthesis should go . . . ) Not all of these changes are bad. I'm excited for Kimmy and Jose and completely psyched about getting to have a godchild in the same state as me - I love you my little miss Hannah far away in Iowa!
Thing is, I am at a loss as to how to make this transition better. First, I figured I'd lose myself in condo stuff - not buying or paying a mortgage. Second, it looked like there'd be a boy in the picture to take some focus - no boy, unfortunately. Third, how does one deal with prepping for changes if 1)Things change 2 days before you move, 2)Life seems to just keep turning when you just want it to stop for a day or two. Forth, apparently our school scheduling system can no longer schedule year long classes and so I have to completely replan my entire sophomore class - that'd be the one I've been teaching for 4 years. Everything flowed together and I knew where things went (and already had them in my plan book!) And that doesn't mention the whole attempt to build a classroom community.
Ok, it feels like I'm gripping. I don't mean to. I just don't know what else to do. I applied for a part time job that seemed perfect - apparently the part time was a little closer to full time which made it non-perfect. I was really excited about some stuff that seemed to be moving forward in the Wichita YA community - w/o my help or extended effort - now that doesn't really seem to be happening.
So, while I'm telling my students, "Trust God, he's got these really awesome plans for your life," it feels like I'm stuck in the midst of people that seem to have more direction than me while I'm not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. That kind of sucks.